From the men
Stories & Podcast
Read personal stories and listen to conversations from MenLiving members, facilitators, and guests. Explore experiences of friendship, family, change, and everyday life. No account needed.
Do You Want to Be Right, or Do You Want to Be in Relationship?
During a recent Small Batch meeting (a weekly Zoom gathering of men I connected with through MenLiving), I asked one of the men who was in a debate with someone outside our group on a topic regarding men and women: "Do…
Three Things I Learned from Non-Christian Friends
From Todd Adams Executive Director- At MenLiving, we generally steer clear of religion, but I’m making an exception this week. My good friend (and MenLiving Member) Steve Joe, who is a Christian, recently wrote a…
let people know you.
there's something that doesn't always come naturally to men. letting people know us. not just what we do, what we think, or what we know. but who we are. what we're experiencing. what matters to us. because there's a…
A Gift
Not many days pass before I’ve read something reminding me to be grateful. Find gratitude, be thankful, appreciate what I have, identify and honor the abundance. These are all valuable messages I’d offer and the…
The Social Media Juxtaposition
Last weekend I went out and saw Aaron Sorkin’s The Social Reckoning , a follow up to 2010’s massively successful The Social Network featuring Facebook’s founder Mark Zuckerburg and the story around the origination of…
Why Aren't Men Speaking Up?
Here's a question I ask men when I speak to groups: What did you do this week to keep yourself safe? Blank stares. Nervous laughs. Nothing. Then I ask the women the same question, and every hand goes up. They park under…
When To Quit and When Not To
I suspect every single one of you who is reading this has heard someone use the phrase about not throwing good money after bad. It's one of those pieces of practical wisdom that makes immediate sense the moment you hear…
SUNDAY NIGHTS ARE THE WORST
The other night, I was visiting with a friend who told me he felt stuck in his life. He held a senior position at a bank. His income allowed his family to enjoy a comfortable lifestyle, and his benefits provided…
What the laughter tells us
Saturday night, Texas pulled off one of the great comebacks in recent college football memory. Monday, the story wasn't the comeback. It was a press conference. Asked if he'd seen any of the AI-generated clips floating…
who did you learn to be?
for a lot of men, looking back at childhood can bring up some resistance. maybe your childhood was pretty good. maybe there are parts of yours you’d rather not revisit. or maybe you’ve wondered: that was decades ago.…
Father Stories
I’m about halfway through the audiobook version of Matthew Quick’s memoir titled ‘Dad, Love, Me.’ You may recognize the author as he wrote ‘ Silver Linings Playbook , which was made into a popular movie starring Bradley…
A Book Club for Men?
Recently, Chris and I interviewed author Matthew Quick for the second time on If You’ve Come This Far. As we started the show, Matthew mentioned a couple of book clubs that had endorsed his new memoir, Dad, Love, Me.…
Calling All Humans- The Invitation
Invitation: My name is Shaun Emerson. After seven years with MenLiving creating spaces for men to connect, heal, and thrive, I realized it was high time we created that same space for men and women to gather—to explore…
The Evolving Parent
As a parent of three kids in their late teens/early 20’s, I find myself trying to reinvent myself as a parent. I was VERY comfortable in my role as a parent of young kids and adolescents. But now, as strange as it may…
Hasta La Vista Brothers
When I first found MenLiving, my very first meeting was on a Wednesday night with Todd Adams facilitating. I still remember what I shared back then: “I’m here to heal my relationship with myself, step into my masculine…
The Day My Fear Nearly Killed Me
The fear of appearing weak is the most frightening thing for a man to experience in our culture. Women do not want to be in relationships with men whom they judge as weak. Men will bully other men whom they insecurely…
Transitioning Into Retirement
Shaun Emerson and Tom Rocco created a short podcast series called Transitioning to Retirement, based on real conversations about what happens after the working years end. It’s a mix of practical insights and personal…
The Blessing You Wont Let Yourself Receive
I’d like to invite you into a moment in my life that repeats itself over and over again. I believe it is a moment that many other men have experienced, in fact if I had to guess, I’d say it is a moment that at some…
Abundance+Hydration=Thumbs Up
Gabby Bernstein said “True abundance isn’t based on our net worth, it’s based on our self-worth.” Of late I’ve had more opportunities to have figurative light shone on my abundance, the reasons and story why less…
The Courage to Repair
relationships inevitably experience rupture. misunderstandings happen. voices get sharper than we intended. we become defensive. we shut down. we miss each other. distance appears. many people assume that healthy…
Abundance + Hydration = Thumbs Up
Gabby Bernstein said “True abundance isn’t based on our net worth, it’s based on our self-worth.” Of late I’ve had more opportunities to have figurative light shone on my abundance, the reasons and story why less…
On Gentlemen & Caballeros
When my mother graduated from Stanford University in 1969, her graduating class was governed by a female student quota of 40%, established by co-founder Jane Stanford in 1899 after her husband’s death out of fear that…
Gratitude for America
As we approach America’s 250th birthday, I’m seeing increasingly more buildup around it; t-shirts, social media posts, highway billboards, commemorative beer cans, etc. It’s nice to see in the sense that this is…
On Gentlemen and Caballeros
When my mother graduated from Stanford University in 1969, her graduating class was governed by a female student quota of 40%, established by co-founder Jane Stanford in 1899 after her husband’s death out of fear that…
Transitioning to Retirement – Episode #5: Goals, Fulfillment, and a Meaningful Life
In the final episode of Transitioning to Retirement , Shaun Emerson and Tom Rocco step back and reflect on what it really means to build a fulfilling life after work—two and a half years into Tom’s retirement journey.…
Boat Men and Robin
“It’s a life.” Myles said it from halfway up a tree overhanging a creek while I stood ankle-deep in mud below. A few minutes earlier, we had been enjoying a leisurely Saturday morning kayak trip. Now we were trying to…
Transitioning to Retirement – Episode #4: “Life Stuff: The Hidden Reality of Retirement”
In Episode 4 of Transitioning to Retirement, Shaun Emerson and Tom Rocco explore a part of retirement that often gets overlooked: the everyday realities of managing your time—and why having “more time” doesn’t always…
Teaching and Conscious Leadership
My chosen profession is teaching, specifically elementary school. This hasn’t always been the case, my undergraduate degree is in Finance (pronounced fuh-nance when you’re degreed) and my perspective changed when I…
Bill
Honoring Bill Hattendorf Facilitator & Friend 1947 – 2026 It is with heavy hearts that we share the news of the passing of Bill Hattendorf — MenLiving facilitator, Vietnam veteran, fraternity elder, church servant,…
mindfulness: the skill beneath every other skill
“between stimulus and response there is a space…” — Viktor Frankl after more than twenty years as a therapist, coach, and group facilitator, i’ve become convinced of something: most of the struggles men face—in…
Finding Balance in Retirement: Projects, Purpose, and Time
In Episode 3 of Transitioning to Retirement, Shaun Emerson and Tom Rocco take a deeper dive into how to actually structure your time in retirement—and why thinking in terms of “projects” can make all the difference. Tom…
Not All Men
He kept his job. She lost hers. Here’s why. There is a conversation that keeps surfacing in our culture, arriving in different forms and in different headlines, but always carrying the same essential question underneath…
The Key to A Long Life: Hidden Assets
I just turned 63 last week. At this stage of the game, I find myself wondering what my “healthspan” will be in the days ahead. Compared to lifespan, healthspan measures the quality of our years, not just the quantity.…
Curbside Conversations
I am sitting in the “Teacher’s Room” at the Lalit Hotel in London, sipping a Negroni and contemplating Naresh Kapuria’s In Conversation (seen above). The Lalit was once St. Olave’s Grammar School. The “Teacher’s Room”…
So… Now What? Starting the Retirement Journey
Transitioning to Retirement is a thoughtful, real-world conversation about what happens after the career ends—and the next chapter begins. Hosted by Shaun Emerson, the series follows the retirement journey of Tom Rocco,…
Emotional Intelligence and Its Underlying Elements
When a whale breaches the ocean’s surface and takes a big breath, it feeds its body with a life-giving precious resource. This resource allows the whale to live in harmony with their natural habitat. For at least the…
Hat, Haircut, or Leaky Roof?
Reinhold Niehbur. Does that name ring a bell or mean anything to you? Reinhold is widely credited as the author of the Serenity Prayer. He graduated from Elmhurst University (then Elmhurst College) in 1910. Like…
Loving My Third Chapter
For years I worried about what would happen next. I could never be happy where I was, it was always about the next promotion, the next big house, the next stage. As a guy who grew up with more than the normal amount of…
Selfish Curiosity
One of MenLiving’s invitations is “Live Curiously” and I’ve always thought of myself as a curious guy. It was my superpower. If I got curious about something, I’d go learn it. It drove my success at work, fueled my…
How to Lose With Pride – Family Edition
I was driving my only son (he has three sisters) to his first day of high school. He was 14, demoted from the top of the totem pole in middle school to the bottom of the pole in high school. He seemed nervous, as anyone…
Acceptance & Change
There is a relationship, and inherent tension, between these two terms. Being accepted means having others see you, get you, and to acknowledge this is who you are right now. It is having others understand your world…
Curiosity: The Limbic Interrupt
That thing that “triggers us.” I bet you’ve got some. I know I do. Not putting my stuff back after borrowing it?…that’s a big one for me. Talk to me with a “you’re a dumbass” tone?…I can feel my skin crawling right now.…
Men Talking About Music
Hey Music Guys, Happy Almost Spring Hope everyone is enjoying the beginning of 2026 I’m looking forward to our meeting Tuesday evening to hear what everyone has been listening to, concerts you’ve either been to or have…
Building Generations: Become a Sage this Spring
Earlier this year, MenLiving partnered with Sages & Seekers for our first intergenerational co-mentorship cohort. Eight men over the age of 60 were paired with eight high school and college-age young men for a…
Locker Room Talk, Hockey, and the Moment I Realized I Had Blind Spots
There’s been a lot of conversation about locker room talk lately. Much of it has stemmed from the controversy surrounding the U.S. Olympic hockey teams: the men celebrating their gold medal with a high-profile…
What Survivors Hear When the World Says “Move On”
Content note: This essay discusses childhood sexual abuse and its long-term impact on survivors. This piece is long, but it is also vitally important to me in my own healing. Please read at your own pace and care for…
There was a Man who had a Guru and his Name was Bingo…
Until I moved to Boston 4 years ago, I had never had a dog less than 35lbs. Of course I had never lived in a sub-1000sf apartment (since college), either. I LOVE living smack in the middle of downtown Boston…but a…
Does Everything Have to be a Controversy?
I didn’t watch the Super Bowl. I had to work for part of the day and to be frank, I really wasn’t too jazzed with the matchup. I thought both teams had compelling stories – the Patriots comeback in the post-Tom Brady…
Note to Jeff: Sorry I Didn’t Write Sooner
Growing up in suburban Chicago, I watched my parents read the Chicago Tribune every day. That example informed a lot both in habit and curiosity. Mike Royko was a famous Tribune columnist, his unique style of grumpy,…
My Wife Asked Me to Watch Heated Rivalry
My wife doesn’t often make these types of requests. She’s kind of amazing in that way, she gives me plenty of space to be me, so when she sat me down and asked me to watch a show called Heated Rivalry , I said yes. Not…
Choose Love (again)
As a football fan, the last month has been a full-on delight. College and pro playoffs overlapping, great games, nonstop action. It doesn’t get much better. This past weekend I was glued to the NFL Divisional Round. I…
Sages and Seekers
MenLiving officially launched our first collaboration with Sages & Seekers , an intergenerational program that brings teens ( Seekers ) and older adults ( Sages ) together through authentic, meaningful conversation.…
Finding Balance in Slippery Times
“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.” It’s one of those lines that risks becoming invisible from overuse, and yet there are moments in life when that line suddenly feels startlingly precise. This is one…
Fathering, Community, and the Journey to the Inn
I want to begin with a simple acknowledgment. In a season marked by prolonged stress, uncertainty, and high stakes, there have been moments when my words—whether in passing conversations, private exchanges, or quick…
January Doesn’t Need a Better You
January often arrives loud—full of promises, pressure, and ideas about who you should be. From a relational lens, though, this season asks for something quieter and more grounded. Not reinvention, but re-orientation.…
Forward Together…Not One Step Back
I was enough of a science geek in high school to be fascinated by the reality that mathematically adding a circle a straight line makes a spiral. With the cycle of the year, and the progression of our lives, a spiral…
As Visions of Sugar Plums and Buddhas, Danced in Their Heads
Monday was the first day of my daughter Emma’s winter break from second grade. I’ve been looking forward to the more casually paced mornings when we don’t have to rush out the door to get to school on time. At the same…
From Crisis to Possibility
For the last couple of years, I’ve subscribed to the Dhamma Wheel, a daily email with an excerpt of Buddhist scripture, a little reflection, and a suggested practice. I wouldn’t call myself a Buddhist. I’m more……
Home as a Practice, Not a Place
for many of us, this stretch of the year brings us back to the basics: connection, gratitude, and what truly matters. as the season of gathering takes shape, i want to offer an invitation to turn toward home — not only…
Naps
Hurley passed away a few weeks ago. I miss him, mostly coming down the stairs each morning and checking which of our two couches he chose to sleep on. “Be a good dog today, ok? I’ll be right back.” I’d say most days as…
My Dad
You’re 85 and you’re declining, and I don’t really know how to talk about it without stumbling over myself. Your breathing is heavy now. You need help getting dressed. You still want to do things independently, even…
Take A Break
The words in the blog will not be anything you likely haven’t heard before. Sometimes a simple reminder is helpful, though, especially in these busy times as we approach the holiday season. Thanksgiving, of course, is…
Wagers
Last year, online gaming giants FanDuel and DraftKings pulled in nearly $19 billion in combined revenue. Conservative estimates say they’ll grow another 30% in 2025. Meanwhile, prediction market apps like Kalshi and…
Sensitive, Not Fragile: The Space Between Feeling and Reaction
There are times when I feel like I was born with my volume knob turned up too high. It’s not just my voice that expresses the volume of my life. It’s my energy, my emotions, and my need to connect. I feel things deeply…
Strong Enough to Forgive
“Our failure to know joy is a direct reflection of our inability to forgive.” — Charlotte Joko Beck As a therapist and coach, I see it all the time — and to be honest, I feel it in myself, too. Forgiveness might be the…
What’s Beyond “Don’t Worry, It’ll be OK”?
Growing up, I received the lesson: “If it didn’t turn out the way you wanted it, it’s because you didn’t plan sufficiently.” I’ve worked hard through my life to move past that limbically-wired (pre-cognitive)…
Loras College-PO Box 541
My Dad passed away in February and as we prepared for his memorial I found an entire collection of letters he wrote my Mom in the fall and winter of 1960 when she went away to Northern Illinois University and he stayed…
On the Turning Away
Now, firmly in my middle age, I find myself sitting with that heaviness this morning. This is a note for the young people out there, the ones I hope will clean up the mess we inherited from our parents and, in many…
Choose Love.
“I hate my opponent, and I don’t want the best for them.” That’s what Donald Trump said at Charlie Kirk’s memorial last Sunday. The crowd cheered. Cheering hate. Let that sink in. I’m not surprised he said it. But I am…
Do You Want to Be My Friend?
I love spending time with my daughter Emma at outdoor playgrounds. Over the years, we’ve given cute pet names to the various parks around our home. The fish park is the one right outside our back door that has two…
Planning your Emotions
Visiting Lake Garda in the north of Italy this week, we embarked on a 3-hour boat tour of the lake, greeted by the following sign: With full recognition that this corporate tagline was likely just the result of an…
Grief is Part of the Path
As summer winds down and the seasons begin to shift, many of us feel the quiet tug of transition. These thresholds — from light to dark, warm to cool, active to slower — can stir something in us. sometimes it’s subtle,…
Way Back When…
For those that don’t know, I’m a lucky Dad of three young men. Jack is a junior in college and his twin younger brothers, Keil (pronounced Kyle. It’s his grandmother’s maiden name) and Sam, are just beginning their…
No Hyperbole: How A MenLiving “Advance” Changed Me
In January 2017, I was separated from my wife and working in a family business that was in crisis. I had been peripherally involved in MenLiving (The “Tribe” back then) and knew Todd Adams fairly well. Todd had…
15 More Random Things You Might Not Know About MenLiving
I wrote a blog awhile back titled “ 15 Random Things You Might Not Know About MenLiving “. Feel free to revisit the first list, here are 15 more… We now have a Wednesday “Hump Day” 25-minute meditation space that starts…
More Than One Pair of Shoulders
For the most part, my wife Christiana and I do a pretty good job of sharing the responsibilities of life. Of course there are times in general, and areas in specific, when one of us feels like we’re carrying more of the…
¿Por Queue No?
Many of you know that my fiancée and I are spending most of our time traveling between now and next May. In fact, this newsletter post comes to you from the midst of a 300kph, barely 3-hour TGV journey directly from…
RELATIONAL LEADERSHIP
RELATIONAL LEADERSHIP Relationships shape every part of our lives—at work, at home, and in our communities . Yet, many of us move through them on autopilot, reacting rather than intentionally leading. Relational…
Ohtani Let Go of the Rope
Cathy handed me her phone and said, “Watch this.” It was a highlight (if you want to watch it start @ the 1:10 mark) from a recent Dodgers/Padres game, and Shohei Ohtani had just been hit by a pitch—up and in, the kind…
I’m Glad I Went
I belong to a men’s organization called MenLiving. I’ve been involved with the group for a while and regularly attend their Zoom meetings. They host at least one a day and might even be trying to add more. One of their…
Man is a Bridge for Man
Yesterday, I returned to the U.S. from a hiking trip in Southern France. On every level, it was a spectacular experience. The hikes were this beautiful blend of natural wonder, deep history, and serious physical…
Let’s Fix the Language of Fatherhood
If the best writing comes from what you know, no wonder some of my proudest pieces focus on my relationship with my son. What you never know is what readers will think. In this story, that includes my own Dad. Go back…
There’s No Need to Walk Alone
I found my way into MenLiving spaces for the first time about two years ago after running my own small men’s community for a decade prior. My ML journey started with an in person meeting in Evanston led by Dan Bulf and…
The Opportunity Cost of Fear
Many of you know that I’m spending the year traveling with my fiancée, who I met only half a year ago. Some people said, “wow, that’s fast!” Comparatively, that’s probably true. Others have said “wow that’s too fast!”…
Once a Brother
A couple of weeks ago, I found myself wandering cobblestone streets in Spain and Portugal—walking 12 to 15 miles a day, soaking up sun, and rediscovering something I didn’t even know I was missing: my brother. Randolph…
Nurture Your Mental Well-Being
Hey folks, Welcome to Mental Health Awareness Month! This week, I wanted to share an essential element of nurturing your mental well-being. Enjoy! consistent self-care routines carving out time for activities that…
Maybe It’s Time to Turn, Turn, Turn
Maybe it’s time to let the old ways die Maybe it’s time to let the old ways die It takes a lot to change a man Hell it takes a lot to try Maybe it’s time to let the old ways die Jackson Maine, “Maybe It’s Time”- A Star…
In the Zone
Growing up in Chicago in the 80’s and 90’s, it was really hard to escape Michael Jordan and the Chicago Bulls. As the team got better around him and they started winning consecutive championships starting in 1991,…
I’m an Emotional Man, but am I Emotionally Available?
As I sit here today, I am an openly and unabashedly emotional man. While I have always been emotional, even since my early childhood, it wasn’t until I was in my 40s that I became more comfortable being openly…
Having a Blast: A Road Trip Story
Hitting the road, having a damn good time, learning about myself, others, and this wild mystery called life. I love traveling—really love it. Doesn’t matter if I’m walking, flying, sailing, riding the rails, or in the…
Us and Them
I will be leading a MenLiving Weekend Advance in September focused around the music of Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon . One song I’m really looking forward to discussing is “Us and Them” because it speaks to the…
Hitting Life Softer
I have had numerous moments in my life when I have been provided the opportunity to recognize a younger version of myself in another person’s actions or behaviors. Sometimes I recognize things that I like about my…
SOMETIMES IT’S TIME!
Sometimes it’s time. Sometimes it’s time Sometimes it’s time it’s time to go take a look, look off the cliff, look into the abyss see what there is to be seen sometimes it’s time. Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go take a…
The Granny Shot
Growing up in Bostonland in the 1970s, I was a rabid Celtics fan (still am—though a little less since Larry retired!). Lately, I’ve been watching Celtic City , the Max documentary on the history of the franchise. The…
The Importance of “Continuing Bonds” To This Dad
It’s a milestone day for me. After a six-year journey in developing a smartphone app as a side hustle from my day jobas a passive house architect, I am thrilled to share my Love Notes app is now live on The App Store.…
Enlightened Masculinity’s Role in Fatherhood?
Enlightened Masculinity’s role in Fatherhood? Something shifted a year ago. After nearly 20 years of “men’s work” shepherded me through divorce, a career change and the dissolution of it, personal and financial tragedy,…
How to Have a Meaningful Conversation
Lately, I’ve been thinking about what makes a conversation truly meaningful. Then I stumbled across a TED Talk called “ 10 Ways to Have a Better Conversation” by Celeste Headlee, and it pretty much summed up everything…
An Invitation to Be an Enlightened Hero
I have long thought of myself as a hero. After the sudden death of my father when I was 11 years old, my uncle told me I am now the Man of the House. Throughout the rest of my life, I did what I thought was the best…
Gender Roles
I’ve been wanting to get involved with Men Living for some time now and have been receiving the newsletters for a couple of years. While I haven’t necessarily earned the “stripes” to offer my thoughts or opinions to the…
Going With The Flow
This is definitely not about getting validation, or being validated. Please understand that. Today I did something completely out of character for me. I pulled into the shopping centre and I saw this homeless woman…
March Unmadness
I wanted to share something from my “march unmadness” series — simple strategies to bring more ease, connection, and clarity into your life and relationships. because when it comes to meaningful change, it’s often the…
Carry the Best of Me
Writing this blog is fun, and challenging too. How can I economize words? How can I fully communicate, share, and convey something reasonably relevant and mildly interesting to the MenLiving audience in as few words as…
It’s Safe Up There
I’ve been an airline pilot for almost four years. Not a day goes by where I don’t take a moment to recognize what an incredible system the aviation community is built around. In airplanes, airports, FAA procedures,…
Slow Down, Slow the Fuck Down
I’m getting out the soapbox so I can do a little preaching… So often, I want to yell at somebody, “Slow down!” And I’m not talking about getting cut off in traffic; I’m talking about slowing the fuck down. There are…
The Man Who Seeks Himself: A Journey to Self-Awareness
You are here. You were given a name, a role, a set of expectations. You were handed a map before you even knew how to walk—before you had a chance to draw one of your own. And like every man before you, you built…
My First Lesson in Fatherhood
Fatherhood has taught me many lessons in life, none of them bigger than the one I learned on my very first day of being a dad. I spent the first 53 years of my life celebrating my own amazing dad, my grandpas and all…
On Fatherhood and Dadhood
I am touched and honored by the invitation to shepherd MenLiving’s Fatherhood initiative, to co-facilitate the first month of meetings (Thursdays, noon Central Time starting March 6) with ML Executive Directorion Todd…
15 Random Things You Might Not Know About MenLiving
MenLiving is all about connection, real conversations, and a community where you can show up exactly as you are. But even if you’ve been around for a while, there are probably a few things you didn’t know about us. So,…
Conflict is a Good Thing
This week, I wanted to discuss a common human experience: conflict. TAKEAWAY: Conflict is like fertilizer for relationships – it helps them grow. Now, that being said, the level of intensity matters. Let’s consider the…
What a Man Needs to Know About Menopause to Save His Love and Sex Life
Menopause is a profound transformation in a woman’s life, affecting not only her body, but her emotions, energy, and entire sense of self. I know this affects you too. For men in long-term relationships, it’s…
What am I so Afraid of?
This past week I was lucky enough to attend the Zen Parenting Conference in suburban Chicago. For those not familiar, one of the co-founders of MenLiving, Todd Adams, and his wife Cathy host a podcast called Zen…
Lighten Up, Man!
As I reflect on my past blog posts written for MenLiving, I’m aware of how serious and dark many of them are. My only defense to this accurate charge is that the world, at times, feels serious and dark. Change is afoot…
How Are You Aging Gayfully?
Just the other day, I asked a lifelong friend of mine…”So Jim, how are you AgingGayfully™?” Puzzled, he looked at me in amazement and said…”What do you mean, I’m not gay!” “Goodness,” I replied, “I didn’t ask you what…
Building the Perfect Fire
I’m freshly returned from the MenLiving Midwest Advance and I am feeling all the feels. To say that the experience was profound would be an understatement of epic proportions. I had the honor of serving on the…
Who Has It Worse? It’s the wrong question.
These days, it feels like we’re racing to prove which sex has it harder—males or females. On any given day, the media serves up plenty of fodder to feed the debate. Boys are struggling in school. No, girls are…
5 Realizations of Parenting
I have three daughters – 21, 20, and 17. I have been speaking to groups of parents since we began our podcast 15 years ago. Along the way, I have come to certain realizations that have helped me become a better dad.…
The Stars Know
You Know What Your Problem Is? The Stars Know… For some time (one week to be exact), I’ve immersed myself in the mysteries of the zodiac, delving into celestial charts and uncovering the cosmic forces that shape not…
Intentions.
A new year often inspires reflection and motivation for change. If new year’s resolutions work for you, great – but they’re not for everyone. Personally, I’m not a big fan of resolutions – or goals in general. Real…
The Power of Connection
Connecting is my word for the new year. In our fast-paced, digital world, the concept of connecting has taken on new meanings. While technology has made it easier than ever to stay in touch, the essence of true…
Dan’s Here to Grant Your Career Wish
You know what your problem is…You tell me The holiday season always reminds me of how cool it was to be a kid. I’ve written before about my childhood, which was full of freedom and only two parental expectations: avoid…
Relationship Status? It’s Complicated.
To those of you who celebrate Christmas, a Merry Christmas to you and the people in your life. To those who don’t observe Christmas, Happy Wednesday and Holidays to you and the people in your life! Knee deep in the…
Restoring Our Girls: How the Men in Their Lives Can Make a Difference
Hey dads, grandpas, uncles, brothers, and anyone with a young woman aged 12 to 25 in your life… If that’s you, I’d like to offer a perspective on their experiences. Of course, young women are not a monolith, and there’s…
An Utterly Confusing Reaction
Two weeks ago, a United Health Care CEO was gunned down in downtown Manhattan. This is nothing short of a tragedy. The victim was a small-town Iowan who grew up on a family farm, earned his way into college, and worked…
What Would You Do?
You know what your problem is…I’m uncomfortable telling you If an employee makes a joke that slightly edges on discrimination, do you say something? What if addressing the situation requires you to document it and…
It’s a Small World After All
A few months before I was born back in 1964, the most frequently played song in the history of all songwriting debuted at the World’s Fair in New York. The song was not written for a person. It wasn’t written about a…
You’re Too Close to the Edge
“I wonder what would happen if I jumped? ” Standing on a cliff, 80 feet above jagged rocks jutting out of the ocean, the answer seemed obvious: a searing jolt of pain, followed swiftly by a meeting with my maker—or, in…
Why the Best Love and Sex of Your Life is Possible After 40
Aging can be challenging — physically, emotionally, and relationally. The concept of a midlife crisis points to the fact that, at this time of life, we often start to look differently at ourselves, our relationships and…
Loving Everyone
Let’s talk about the L-word. Love. How do you feel when you use the L-word? Excited? Emotional? Afraid? Uncomfortable? Maybe all of the above. The question reminds me of those TV shows and movies where characters are…
You know what your problem is…Your breath stinks!
Some psychologists estimate that the average person complains between 15 to 30 times a day, often without realizing they’re doing it. What’s wrong with you people?!! On top of that, research shows that complaining can…
Are You Turning It Outward?
When MenLiving started in 2012, the vision was simple but powerful: to create deeper, more genuine connections among men. Fast forward to 2024, and I’m proud to say that vision has become a reality for so many who…
“What do you not want to be in when it breaks down?”
You know what your problem is…No Ray to Steer You “What do you not want to be in when it breaks down?” This was one of the Family Feud questions during our Thanksgiving dinner in 2018. My father-in-law, Ray—88 years old…
Recognizing & Communicating Your Needs
This week, let’s talk about your needs. Why? Because understanding and communicating your needs is essential for building healthy, connected relationships – something we are very interested in here at MenLiving. But…
You Know What Your Problem Is … Advertising
You know what your problem is…you’re a B210 We know that advertising works in our society. Sales for Doritos tend to go up 10%+ following their Super Bowl ads, Chevy dealerships see a spike the week after a NASCAR win,…
You’re Overthinking It
This is for those of you with a strong conscience and a high degree of thoughtfulness. As for the rest of you, go ahead and head back to your mirror. So you just accepted a job and are invited to the Boss’ house for a…
Master, Master
Growing up there was a kid in my neighborhood who was a huge Metallica fan, I wasn’t. Our house was more Willie Nelson, John Denver, Kenny Rogers, and Neil Diamond. You get the idea, a tad softer. They (both the kid and…
The Gift of Silence
“Silence is a rare gift in our busy world.” For more than 8 years, I have participated in a monthly men’s group meeting that takes place outside of our MenLiving offerings. Much like MenLiving meetings, we share…
When the Past Comes Back, Uninvited!
I should be angry, I think. Instead, I am experiencing a huge upwelling of grief. My younger brother and I had been estranged for some seven years. Two weeks ago, I suddenly had contact from him on Whatsapp. I decided…
You know what your problem is…Answering Back
They say there are three surefire ways to start a fight: talk politics, bring up religion, or ask about someone’s salary. So let’s talk politics. Like many of you, I’m excited for this election to be over. Let’s get our…
Immersion
MenLiving offers the community so much; places for connection, small batches, specialty programs and meetings, and immersive weekends and Advances. I’ve attended and led many MenLiving weekends over the years. I’ve also…
You keep turning the wrong corner
With Halloween just around the corner, the air is filled with a backdrop of thrills, excitement, and fear. One of my Halloween memories scared the pants off of me – though, to be fair, I wasn’t wearing pants as I was…
Conflict Resolution and Corned Beef Sandwiches: Life Lessons Learned at a World Famous Deli
If you’ve seen the movie When Harry Met Sally , you will certainly recall the “I’ll have what she’s having” scene which was filmed at world-famous Katz’s Delicatessen in New York City. In that scene , Harry, played by…
You know what your problem is … No Common Scents
Sometimes, a little laugh goes a long way. This project of being human can be really difficult. Like, really difficult. It’s hard to understand the constant pressure and stress that weighs us down. Silent mental anguish…
What about the men?
For decades, my mornings have started with a review of the day’s papers: the New York Times , Wall Street Journal , and Chicago Tribune . Sadly, I’ve often awakened to reports of mass killings and acts of war.…
You know what your problem is…You don’t “no”
Years ago, I did something bold—something that straddled the line between bravery and foolishness. I wrote a manifesto. Not only did I write it, but I published the 15-page pamphlet and mailed it out to clients and…
The Airport Guy: Judgmental or Curious?
I recently flew home from a trip to Oregon with my oldest daughter, Jacey. We sat down for a pre-flight breakfast when something at the next table caught my attention. A man, maybe a little older than me, dressed in…
You Know What Your Problem Is … Own It
Day 2 of our hiking and biking trip was shaping up to be a challenge. Our goal? Conquering a 2,000-foot mountain. The catch? We had two ways up: an unforgiving biking route packed with switchbacks and thigh-burning…
Five Losing Strategies in Relationships
Ever found yourself in a relationship where your needs aren’t being met? Of course you have, it’s part of being in relationships! How you handle them is what makes all the difference. I often say to my clients, (and…
You Know What Your Problem Is … Apathy
After what seems like an eternity, you’ve finally landed the meeting. The hours spent rehearsing your pitch, anticipating every possible question, and crafting responses designed to impress have all led to this moment.…
Right but Dead
That’s me on my brand-new 1978 Schwinn Sting Ray, my 7th birthday. It was the first bike that was MINE mine, not a hand-me-down from either of my older siblings. This gift would change my life in ways the young mind in…
Stop Settling
Settle: to accept or agree to something that one considers to be less than satisfactory. Settling is one of those words many of us choose to avoid. It’s the proverbial monster under the bed, the name that must not be…
Bad Habits
Yesterday I had a conversation with my father. Over the course of my life, I’ve had a very challenging relationship with him, which was further complicated due to my working for his company for almost twenty years. At…
Heat and Shadows
With Labor Day comes the unofficial end of summer and beginning of fall. As the month of September transitions us in the northern hemisphere to longer nights and shorter days, there aretwo things you can count on. One,…
Less May Be More
In a world that was always racing, where speed and efficiency was prized above all else, there lived two unlikely competitors: a Hare and a Tortoise. They had known each other for years, but things had changed with the…
You know what your problem is…
For those who are avid business book readers or keen consumers of business insights, you’ve likely encountered Simon Sinek’s Golden Circle model. If you haven’t, it’s worth a quick search—there are plenty of articles…
Nine Weeks Left
For those of you who know me and/or have read my previous blogs, I’m very engaged in national politics. I have been so since college, but actually remember being engaged, I guess as much as a kid can be, when I was…
Some Thoughts on Men Who Cry
Over the past few years, I’ve been on a journey of self-compassion, especially when it comes to expressing my emotions—especially sadness through tears. What I’ve discovered is that my ability to be gentle with myself…
Lazy meets Entertaining!
Nearly 14 years ago, I surprised our kids with a puppy. They were thrilled to welcome a new pet, and Holly, our puggle, certainly lived up to the excitement. Small in size but big in personality, Holly would chase the…
“When do I help someone in need?”
CRASH! The deafening explosion shattered the stillness of my home office, jolting me upright. The violence of it, so sudden and unexpected, left me momentarily stunned. My heart pounded as I sprang from my chair,…
Helping, Fixing, Serving
“ Helping, fixing and serving represent three different ways of seeing life. When you help, you see life as weak. When you fix, you see life as broken. When you serve, you see life as whole. Fixing and helping may be…
Social Proof
When I first started my executive recruiting business, I had zero experience acquiring clients; my background was purely internal HR and recruiting. So, when a colleague from a top consulting firm asked if I’d speak…
Cheers, To Eldership
Becoming an Elder In discussing our favorite authors with a good friend in MenLiving, I told him that I especially like J.R.R. Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings . Perhaps you also enjoy reading some of the books or viewing…
Your Manhood is Getting in the Way
A dinger of a story from Paris this week “Olympics pole vaulter’s manhood mishap costs him medal chance…” Normally I don’t bite on such clickbait titles, but there were so many other headlines on the same topic that I…
Richard Renaldi….Disturbed Harmonies
From Artist Richard Renaldi about his collection, Disturbed Harmonies: Men are troubled across this troubled Earth. Economic and political power have failed to assuage their anxiety. Physical strength offers only the…
Man vs. Machine Round #1: The Dehumanization of Writing
Do you remember the voice that shattered the glass goblet? Back when I was a young boy growing up in metro Detroit in the early 1970s, jazz legend Ella Fitzgerald famously became the spokeswoman for Memorex audio…
Bobbing For Gold
Did you know that the mascot of the 2024 Paris Olympics is a hat? And did you see the swimming event where “Bob the Cap Catcher” paraded out in his colorful speedo to rescue a stray swimming cap? Were you aware that…
The Rattlesnakes that Stalk Me
A couple of months ago, I went out hiking on my favorite trail in Palm Springs, the Museum Trail. I’ve taken this trek dozens of times over the last five years. On most of these hikes, I ascend for about 45 minutes and…
PDNA & FOCUS
Do you know people who like to putz? You know the type: a person who procrastinates, starts but rarely finishes projects, is indecisive, avoids any commitment, is easily distracted, and fairly unorganized. This is the…
Unwinnable
When I was 12 years old, I found myself in New York City at a 3-card monte table with a Mormon boy my age whom I had recently met on a ski trip. Quick disclaimer – there is so much unpacking that needs to occur with…
It’s Obvious, Child
‘Sonny sits by his window and thinks to himself How it’s strange that some rooms are like cages I’m rediscovering Paul Simon’s 1990 album ‘ Rhythm of the Saints’ . It was his 8th solo album and the lead single The…
The AI Storm
How are you genuinely feeling today? Enough about you, let’s talk about me. I’m getting nervous about AI and what this means for people’s career paths. As AI continues to advance, many people are understandably nervous…
The Unpredictability of Life
One of the things I’m working harder at appreciating is the unpredictability of life. It seems every time I feel like I have a handle on life, how it works, and what it all means, I get thrown for a loop with some sort…
Malort Over Manhattans
What are your salary expectations? If you are like many, this question from a recruiter immediately triggers you to go into lockdown mode – retreat, clench, protect, defend, clench some more. You view the question as…
Embracing the Hero Within
Every summer when I was a kid my mom, dad and I would make the long drive from Detroit to New York to visit my paternal grandparents who lived in a little village named Pelham, just north of the city. Since I had no…
Be One.
I find this quote thought-provoking: “Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one.” While the message itself is inspiring, it depresses me that it was made around 1,900 years ago by Marcus…
Integration of the Head and Heart in a Medical Career
Thirty years ago I entered Loyola Medical School and my initiation into the culture of medicine began. As best as I could at the time, I prepared myself for the challenges ahead. I aimed to cultivate a strong will,…
Don’t Settle For Dirty Bath Water
I often wonder if a lack of imagination and fear are two sides of the same coin. Soon after we had our fourth child, my wife and I faced the challenging decision of whether to move to a larger house or renovate our…
Is Joy Reserved for the Youth?
During most MenLiving meetings, we start with a check-in process. Last week, I led our very first Friday meeting, and I chose the topic of emotions, which is the 3rd of the Five MenLiving Suggestions. The main emotions…
MenLiving Suggestion #6. Living Authentically?
I enjoy writing these blog posts, it’s a very mindful and deliberate act for me. How can I express something meaningful and constructive, insightful enough to (hopefully) warrant the time you took to read it, is…
Change Agent
Every two years in the town I live in, the city conducts “Amnesty Day’, an opportunity for residents to throw away as much stuff as they want. It’s a bit of a mini-holiday for all of us as it resembles a city-wide flea…
America is Guilty
Last week, former President Donald J. Trump was convicted in a New York court for crimes related to the 2016 election and the paying of hush money to a porn star. No matter where you fit on the political spectrum, my…
Exploring the Link Between Testosterone Levels and Masculinity
Back in the late 70s, I used to rush home from school to watch General Hospital on TV with my mom. This was long before the advent of DVRs or even VCRs, so if I wanted to see what happened next it in the adventures of…
The Look
Back in 2005, a company called CI Host offered to pay individuals to tattoo their foreheads with the company’s logo in exchange for a lifetime hosting package for their website. Several people accepted the offer,…
Gravel, 68 mph, Bubblrs.
My advanced age brings much, some gray hair, regular prostate checks, the usual. It also brings a deeper well of memories and its edgy cousin nostalgia. Remember MTv? Of the many plusses as I advance is a deeper sense…
Ghosting
There are some terrible recruiters out there. Which isn’t stating a whole lot because there are also awful CEOS, incompetent sales managers, and unfriendly workers at the DMV. I think the area where recruiters take the…
Man Vs Bear
It’s been a thought experiment for a couple of weeks now: a TikTok question that asks , “Would you rather be stuck in a forest with a man or a bear?” With the majority of women answering, “bear.” When my wife told me…
Questions from the Male Bag
Over the years I’ve received many candidate questions that I’m not sure I’m qualified to answer. The questions have more to do with applying good business judgment than necessarily solid recruiter advice. So I’m…
Greenlights
I feel fortunate and grateful that I get the opportunity to show up to so many different MenLiving spaces, whether it be Full Houses, specialized meetings on interesting topics, or Weekend Advances. They are all special…
The Question Behind the Question
My favorite artist at present, the one who provokes my thinking, creates ongoing intrigue, and occasionally makes me laugh is…Banksy. For those of you unfamiliar with Banksy, he is an anonymous British street artist…
It’s ok to be Patagonia
If you could pack your bags and go anywhere in the world next year, where would you choose to go? For my wife and me, that question became a reality as we hit a triple witching event in our life; our last child is off…
Skating on Thin Ice
The Chase For the Cup It’s that time of year again! This past Sunday marked the beginning of the Stanley Cup Playoffs, which for my money is still the best sports tournament on the planet. Teams that advanced to the Cup…
Nerves
Do you ever have those occasions where you are nervous? Not the “kind-of” nervous feeling but the “totally-skittish-I-can’t-settle-myself-down” nervous feeling? I had one of those recently, right before giving one of…
Silly, isn’t it?
Have you heard about the new telehealth startups pitching GLP-1s specifically to men? The New York Times has, and they recently asked the question, “Is the Era of ‘ Brozempic ’ Upon Us?” Ugh. Two companies, Fella…
Zwifting Through Your Struggles
A few months ago I started Zwifting. For those of you unfamiliar with it, zwift is basically an online platform where you can ride (or run) in a virtual world. It’s like a video game for exercise bikes. You can join…
If You Want to Go Far, Go Together
I have always loved swimming, and I especially enjoy it as a form of exercise. For the last few years, I have been swimming laps in the pool every few weeks simply to mix up my workouts. I was at my fitness club a few…
You Need to Step to the Left
Photography buffs know that composition plays a significant role in taking an effective photo. Considering what elements to include as well as framing, perspective, balance, and symmetry all help the photographer tell a…
My Mind Is Blank
Sometimes I have so much to say that I scare myself on just how much I can talk. And other times, not so much. About every four weeks, I am given the opportunity to write the weekly blog post for MenLiving, an…
Are you a storytelling Jedi??
There is so much that divides our country. We continue to passionately disagree on social issues such as abortion, gun rights, gender equality, economic disparities, climate issues, etc. and of course, we are split on…
Hello, Friend.
This week, the featured post is authored by MenLiving facilitator, Mike Rosen. Mike is a father, a 4th grade teacher and has been the lead on our Tuesday night seperation / divorce meeting since its inception. As a kid,…
Is your resume a “singing holiday tie?”
As a recruiter, opening a candidate’s resume feels like a mini-Christmas morning to me. There’s a bubbling excitement and anticipation as I click on the PDF icon. Will this be the amazing gift I was looking for? Will it…
Feeling All the Feels and the Neighborhood of Make-Believe
Jim is passionate about life and he explores his individual hero’s journey with curiosity and zeal. Jim is a father, husband, yogi, mystic, storyteller, author, coach, teacher and student who sees himself as a spiritual…
Do You Know Where You Are Going?
Years ago, I saw a cartoon depicting a group of explorers deep in the heart of a jungle, using machetes to hack their way through heavy brush and vines. The caption of the cartoon had one individual saying to another,…
Oblivious?
Last week in our Weekly email , I share the exchange I had with Joan Dyer about the development of a men focused employee resource group and whether or not we should call it You Matter. Marti, a MenLiving friend and…
You hate to lose
Remember the old phrase “be careful what you wish for!” It implies that sometimes, what we wish for may not turn out as expected, and could even have negative or unintended outcomes. In my experience, there is only one…
Too Much Head Trash
I sometimes wonder if recruiters need to be trained psychologists. I often deal with complex people issues. So often in conversations, candidates share big fears, concerns and insecurities that they have in the work…
The Different “Parts” of MenLiving
This week, the featured post is authored by Todd Adams, MenLiving Executive Director & Co-founder I have been a fan of personal growth books, podcasts, in-person trainings, etc. for a long time. Over the last few years…
Check, Please with Mike Rosen
Quick. Without pause, answer this question with a Yes or No. Are you healthy? Hmmm. What did you answer? It’s not really an easy or fair question to answer straight away. My answer is “Yes (for the most part. I think?)”…
You let others think for you
I had an interesting exchange recently with a candidate who was preparing for an interview. A portion of our conversation went something like this: Candidate: Dan how do I answer the question “What is my biggest…
Letter To My Son
Written by MenLiving Community Member, Dan Silberberg Dear Son: As I sit down to write this letter, I find myself reflecting on a journey that has shaped the person and leader I am today. It’s a journey I wish to share…
Traveling to Another World
I’m a bit of a political junkie. I recall it was back in college when I first started enjoying politics. I enjoyed understanding how our government worked (or tried to work), as well as the strategy the parties employed…
“You know what your problem is?”
Like many people, I tend to use targeted humor when addressing challenging topics. Regardless of the audience, this approach helps me in communicating a difficult point without creating any sort of tension or negative…
Do the work!
So………. I have been debating whether to post about what was going on for a few days this week. On the one hand I feel reluctant, on the other keen to share. Reluctant? Yeah! I talk and do stuff I dont hear anyone else…
The Psychology of Love
Jim is passionate about life and he explores his individual hero’s journey with curiosity and zeal. Jim is a father, husband, yogi, mystic, storyteller, author, coach, teacher and student who sees himself as a spiritual…
DIY
On the fourth episode of our podcast , If You’ve Come This Far, Chris and I interviewed Billy Baker, a Boston Globe columnist and the author of “ We Need to Hang Out .” In his book, Baker recounts his efforts to make…
Do You Ask for Support?
This week, the featured post is authored by Todd Adams, MenLiving Executive Director & Co-founder I’ve been immersed in men’s work for over 15 years, and a decade ago, I co-founded MenLiving, eventually taking on the…
Round and Round and Round It Goes
This week, the featured post is authored by Michael Eatmon. Michael’s a career educator. For over 30 years, he’s studied and taught language, philosophy, and theology. What feeds his embodied soul, though, are art,…
June 7, 2018. Depression Lies.
This week, the featured post is authored by MenLiving facilitator, Mike Rosen. Mike is a father, a 4th grade teacher and has been the lead on our Tuesday night seperation / divorce meeting since its inception. **Trigger…
There Isn’t Always an Answer
A long-time Chicagoan, Jason now lives in a part of the country he’s always dreamed of living: near the mountains. Just outside of Boulder, CO, Jason now enjoys all that living in the West provides, although he will…
Charting an Intentional Path for 2024
Jim is passionate about life and he explores his individual hero’s journey with curiosity and zeal. Jim is a father, husband, yogi, mystic, storyteller, author, coach, teacher and student who sees himself as a spiritual…
What is a friend?
Last week, my friend, Tracy Brown , sent this quote that is attributed to poet C. Raymond Beran to me and Todd Adams. In his email to us, he wrote, “I know how much you guys are doing to build bridges for friendship…
The Unbidden Guest
At last, the evening came. The table was set, the candles were lit, and the air was blessed with the aroma of beef. As I did every December, I invited all my Attitudes, Memories, and Emotions to dinner. Seated together…
Decoding Life: What Meaning Are You Giving This Situation??
The author of this piece is MenLiving friend and Positive Masculinity Coach, Lark Ericson , RN, LF, In a world overflowing with information we find ourselves just trying to keep our heads above water perpetually caught…
The Gate
Our dog Sadie died yesterday and I’m really sad. She was a big, strong, fast, clumsy, oaf of a black lab with a thick skull, a nearly insatiable desire to run, and a tail as powerful as a bullwhip. We had a complicated…
What’s on the Menu?
There’s a great scene in the movie My Cousin Vinny where Vinny, played by Joe Pesci, goes to a small-town restaurant with his wife and sits down to look at the menu. After looking for a moment, he asks his wife, played…
Message Overload
A long-time Chicagoan, Jason now lives in a part of the country he’s always dreamed of living: near the mountains. Just outside of Boulder, CO, Jason now enjoys all that living in the West provides, although he will…
How to be Less Grateful on Thanksgiving
This week, the featured post is authored by MenLiving facilitator, Jim Herbert. Jim is a father, husband, yogi, mystic, storyteller, author, coach, teacher and student who sees himself as a spiritual being having an…
A Cone of Silence
Like many “men’s groups,” at the beginning of most MenLiving Full House meetings, the host will ask the men present to raise their hands and make a pledge of confidentiality. In essence, we all agree to uphold the idea…
Three Alarms
This week, the featured post is authored by MenLiving facilitator, Mike Rosen. Mike is a father, a 4th grade teacher and has been the lead on our Tuesday night seperation / divorce meeting since its inception. I…
Kitchen Candor
This week, the featured post is authored by Michael Eatmon. Michael’s a career educator. For 30 years, he’s studied and taught language, philosophy, and theology. What feeds his embodied soul, though, are art, music,…
Not Wrong, Just Different
By Mike Rosen. Mike is a father, a 4th grade teacher and has been the lead on our Tuesday night seperation / divorce meeting since its inception. At the risk of appearing overly self-deprecating, I’m going to begin…
Now is Not the Time to Lose Hope
Between the recent events in the Middle East, analyzing the political landscape in the United States, and along with a couple of personal issues that arose, I found myself battling with a feeling that I rarely…
Self-Compassion Small Batch
Self-Compassion Small Batch details Goal – Build awareness of the value of self-compassion and cultivate self-compassion practices while working collectively through the “ The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook – A Proven…
Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind
Thirty years ago in the early days of my martial arts training, one of my sensei recommended the book Zen Mind Beginner’s Mind by Japanese monk Shunryu Suzuki. Three decades later I’m still decoding the lessons. The…
The Practice Is Where It’s At
Last Saturday morning, my quads would have none of it. The yoga instructor called for a standing, bound, revolved figure 4. My lower back and legs laughed at the prospect. My expectations and determination didn’t find…
Not All Men’s Groups are Created Equal
I’ve recently started a new relationship with a woman I met about a month ago. A few weeks ago, she invited me to her brother’s wedding in Las Vegas – I mean, Vegas, right?! So, of course, I accepted the invitation, not…
What Rules Are You Playing By?
If I were to ask you – for the men reading this – “Do your friendships with other guys satisfy you?” I’m guessing you might say “yes”, and I can understand why you respond that way. You have somebody to have a beer…
I’m the Pilot
‘Time flies over us and leaves its shadow behind.”–Nathaniel Hawthorne ‘ “It’s time for me to fly!” ’–REO Speedwagon ‘Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop to look around once in a while, you could miss it.’–Ferris…
A Good Cry
Last week, in two different virtual meetings, friends of mine got very emotional. One as he read a heart wrenching note from one of his friends. Another as he processed the pain and fatigue of a family in distress. Both…
Collector or Purger?
While I am not sure I pass as a true minimalist, I do live with a minimalist mindset. The famous declutter, Marie Kondo, asks us to consider whether a possession “sparks joy” when we are considering what to do with it.…
Men & Health Care: Removing Our Heads From Our Asses
Last month, The American Journal of Men’s Health posted a research article entitled, “Designing Men’s Health Programs: The 5C Framework.” In the article, researchers propose a model to assist practitioners building…
What is good about masculinity?
I just finished Caitlin Moran’s new book, What About Men? Moran is a decorated British journalist, feminist and the author of previous books, How To Be A Woman, How To Build A Girl and More Than A Woman . Her notion for…
Listen Better
“You are not hearing me.” In 30 years of marriage, I had heard her frustration more than I want to remember. I believe myself to be a good listener. Patient. Empathetic. Curious. I received feedback from others that I…
Shame
A couple of months ago, my friend, Michael, made his first visit to Chicago. In addition to other planned events, we spent some time at the Chicago Art Institute. I dig the museum but hadn’t been in a while. Michael is…
Dating skills to practice on your friends
Kimberley Healey specializes in helping smart, thoughtful people create a deeply satisfying love life. Her work is intuitive, pragmatic and joyous. Each month, Kimberley hosts a Full House exploring dating and…
The American Institute for Boys and Men
On June 30th, Richard Reeves, author of Of Boys and Men, announced that he would be leaving the Brookings Institution to become President of the American Institute for Boys and Men. This piece is a repost of his…
The Answer?
When my kids were young (they are now 28, 27, and 23), I would lose my mind when they would say to me, “I can’t.” I can’t ride a bike. I can’t do the math. I can’t parallel park….etc, etc, etc. Each of them is of able…
Simple Strategies to Not Let Their Problem Become Your Problem and Interfering with Your Goals
Author: Guy Fitzgerald As a personal trainer and nutrition coach, I often see people who are struggling with their own health and wellness goals because they are so busy allowing other people’s problems to become their…
Is June Men’s Health Awareness Month???
Yes, June is Men’s Health Awareness Month. Nice!! Being a leader of an organization that is working to realize a world of HEALTHY, intentional, connected men, I want as many people as possible to understand and…
The State of American Men
This article is a repost from Equimondo: Center for Masculinities and Social Justice introducing their report on the state of american men in 2023. This inaugural State of American Men report, “From Crisis and Confusion…
My Mental Health Journey
Author: Jim Schneider Recently, I wrote about the mental health crisis in the construction industry. Dealing with it requires first bringing attention to the problem, and then encouraging individuals who are struggling…
Happy Talk?
Author: Bill Chaney I grew up in a home where warm emotions were scarce. I know my parents did the best they could to meet the challenges they faced. Dad was busy as a carpenter trying to keep food on the table for four…
The Gentleman of the East – Five behaviours of a traditional Indian gentleman
Author: Aditya Ganjoo The development of civilisations across the world allowed humans to feel safer, and thus, focus on other aspects of life, apart from survival. Probably, that is where the gentleman developed. In…
The Mental Health Crisis in the Construction Industry
On Monday, May 15th at 7PM CT, MenLiving will host its first Construction Full House. The Construction Full House is one small way MenLiving is supporting the effort to address the mental health crisis in the industry.…
Human vs. Machine
I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed by all the dialogue re: AI these days. I get it’s a big deal, and like all big deals, our culture will give it non-stop attention. I suppose the scrutiny is…
Why is the U.S. life expectancy gap between men and women widening?
WBEZ Chicago | Reset with Sasha-Ann Simons | 31 min In 2021, the U.S. life expectancy was about 73 years for men and about 79 years for women – the biggest gap in a quarter-century. By Micah Yason April 25, 2023, 2:31pm…
Stop Scrolling and Start Connecting
Before I get into the heart of today’s topic, I need to set it up with a little personal background. In the mid-80’s, my first post graduate job was selling computers for Digital Equipment Corporation (DEC). I worked…
Two Emersons Reflect on Friendship
When I was a kid, it wouldn’t be unusual for some smart-ass to ask me if I was related to Ralph Waldo Emerson. I can tell you the ask was never real curiosity (note the smart-ass), but I suppose an attempt to be cute or…
“Masculinity, in many ways, is a performance.”
Yesterday, I was reading the transcript of a recent episode of the NPR podcast, Life Kit, with Frank Festa, entitled, “Defining masculinity on your own terms.” In the podcast, one of the guests says, “Masculinity, in…
Featuring Fear- Jumping into the ditch with eyes on the bell
Author: Aditya Ganjoo I was lingering at the third last rung of an approximately ten metre tall Jacob’s ladder. Just one more rung to climb for transitioning to the other side for descending. I know that my fear of…
Befriending My Inner Critic
Author: Jim Schneider Like many people, I have an annoyingly loud inner critic. And when I say “loud,” I mean I he walks around in my head with one of those bullhorns that has flashing lights and sound effects, just in…
Jaw-Dropping
A few months back, I wrote a post called “Short King or Daddy Long Legs” that explored the practice of leg lengthening by men. A ghastly and painful exercise just to get a few inches taller. Well, as a man living…
Checking with Mr Nice Guy
I met Aditya Ganjoo for the first time last Saturday morning at a Full House meeting. For him, it was 9:30PM local time in New Delhi and he was attending his first ML event. He engaged with authenticity and…
Welcome, Pain.
Community Member, Martin McLeish, shares his experiences participating in the Self-Compassion Small Batch. The ice exercise he references at the beginning of the piece requires the participant to hold a piece of ice…
Reciprocity
A couple of weeks ago, I was having a conversation with Michael Pealow, a social innovation consultant working with Indigenous men in the Yukon. He shared with me that he subscribes to a “mind model” that views…
Why Boys Stop Reading?
Writer, Matt Haig, posted this piece on his Instagram. I wanted to share his interesting data and perspective. Thoughts? At age 11, most boys enjoy reading. By 14 that drops from 65% to 32%. In other words, we lose half…
Purpose?
Over the last week, I have found myself in multiple conversations about purpose. First, Chris Lozier and I interviewed Nico Lagan for an upcoming episode of our podcast, If You’ve Come This Far. Nico is “a men’s coach,…
Macho, Macho Man
A couple of days ago, my friend, Chris, and I were talking about the construction industry. I had recently learned that our friend, Paul Sullivan, Founder of Company of Dads, had been interviewed on the “Mothers in…
Meet Guy Fitzgerald
Starting today, we will be adding a Healthy Tip of The Week to our weekly email. Given our vision of a world of healthy, intentional, connected men, we thought it was appropriate to talk about health (physical and…
All the Light I Need
In his latest Monster Whisperer video, Jimmy Talarico introduces one of his art pieces, entitled “All the Light I Need,” to make a point about moving out of the darkness and into the light. I was immediately attracted…
Jobs Wanted
On Tuesday’s episode of Zen Parenting Radio , a podcast cohosted by our Executive Director, Todd Adams and his wife, Cathy, the Adams talked about her mom’s recent passing (Judy Cassani passed away on January…
Sexual Creative Energy
I am a big fan of Conscious Leadership Group (CLG). CLG is run by Jim Dethmer (you can listen to Jim on our podcast here ) and Diana Chapman. MenLiving’s 5 Suggestions are influenced by the work of CLG. One of our…
Top 5
My good friend, Tommy Skelly, will often proclaim that some thing or event is in his “Top 5.” For example, Top 5 Root Beer Floats, Top 5 Golf Courses, Top 5 Bus Rides, or Top 5 Showers (for pressure). So when I see a…
The Clock (s) Are Ticking.
“Life is not lost by dying; life is lost minute by minute, day by dragging day, in all the thousand small uncaring ways.” Stephen Vincent Benet I find our culture’s “end of year” energy interesting. The mass media has…
Loving
I just completed Matthew Quick ’s new novel, We Are The Light (WATL), in preparation for our interview with him for our podcast, If You’ve Come This Far. You might know Matthew as the author of The Silver Linings…
Good, Good, Good?
I subscribe to the good good good newspaper. According to their website, Good Good Good is the media company that helps you feel more hopeful and do more good. I am all in on feeling more hopeful and having more good,…
Life is Full of Challengeable Moments???
The National Football League has a rule called the Coaches’ Challenge. The Challenge works as follows: In each game, a team will be permitted two challenges that will initiate Instant Replay reviews. The Head Coach will…
Holly…A Love Story
Community Member, Martin McLeish, shares a story of struggle, love and living in the moment. November 1987 “Fuck it”, I said. I had had enough. I was the explosives guy at the Silver lake Mine in the Kalgoorlie area.…
Better Than A Gratitude Rock
On this day before Thanksgiving, I am thinking I suppose appropriately about gratitude. But I am thinking about it in a little more twisted way than you might expect. In the information diet that I choose to consume, I…
My One for the World Story
I’m a senior in college, living in Durango, Colorado, and grew up in a nice suburb of Chicago. I have a loving family, I’ve always had a warm bed to sleep, more food than I need, and have the privilege of pursuing…
Short King or Daddy Long Legs?
I recently read that the new UK Prime Minister, Rishi Sunak, is regarded as a Short King (he’s 5′ 7″). Short King? I had never heard the term before though I had a pretty good idea what it was all about when…
“He Was A Man”
On July 31, Bill Russell died at the age of 88. He was a once in a generation athlete known primarily for his time as the center of the Boston Celtics collecting 11 NBA titles in 13 seasons. I grew up in the Boston area…
BEING
Last week, I took a few minutes to create a list of all the major things I’ve done professionally so far this year. While the list was relatively long and I felt a certain amount of pride in reflection, something was…
MenLiving Thought Leader: An Interview with Dr. Frank Keil on Wonder
In this edition of the MenLiving Thought Leader Series, Patrick NcKenna interviews Dr. Frank Keil, Professor of Cognitive Science and Director of the Cognition and Development Lab at Yale University, and author of the…
MenLiving Suggestions for Living Fully: Live Intentionally
MenLiving wants to see a world of healthy, intentional, connected men. To make that vision a reality, we create spaces where men can connect, heal, and thrive. We also offer simple suggestions for how they might live…
MenLiving Suggestions for Living Fully: Live Candidly
MenLiving wants to see a world of healthy, intentional, connected men. To make that vision a reality, we create spaces where men can connect, heal, and thrive. We also offer simple suggestions for how they might live…
MenLiving Suggestions for Living Fully: Live Emotionally
MenLiving isn’t about creeds or gurus or judgments. Still, we believe that some approaches to life can lead to greater contentment. With that objective in mind, we created a list of 5 suggestions for living more fully…
The Crisis of Men and Boys
I am a fan of David Brooks and have been reading his New York Time column for a long time. Last Friday, he posted the following piece on the struggles of boys and men in our society. Most of the article focuses on the…
MenLiving Suggestions for Living Fully: Live Curiously
MenLiving isn’t about creeds or gurus or judgments. Still, we believe that some approaches to life can lead to greater contentment. With that objective in mind, we created a list of 5 suggestions for living more fully…
Saved by Loving Kindness
A couple of weeks ago, Todd Adams, MenLiving’s Executive Director, sent a video to contributing members sharing news on the suicide ideation training MenLiving facilitators completed with NAMI. In response, Martin…
MenLiving Suggestions for Living Fully: Live Consciously
MenLiving isn’t about creeds or gurus or judgments. Still, we believe that some approaches to life can lead to greater contentment. With that objective in mind, we created a list of 5 suggestions for living more fully…
MenLiving evolving…
MenLiving exists because men are bad at friendship, the lack of friendship leads to greater levels of anxiety, depression and death, and men die earlier than women, and at an ever-increasing rate, by their own hand.…
Redefining Sensitivity As An Essential Trait in Boys: MenLiving Speaks with Writer Elisse Gabriel
The ways that word association and the assumptions that may follow interact with each other have always had cultural meaning behind it. When we hear words like “joy” and “sadness,” they usually bring clear understanding…
What Makes us Happy and What Fills Our Heart Most: An Interview about Life and Fulfilling Relationships with Dr. Belinda Campos
Being able to combine lived experiences with your life’s work is a gift not all of us in the world get to have. For Dr. Belinda Campos , who is a professor in the Department of Chicano/Latino Studies at the University…
Self-Acceptance, Self-Love, Integrating All Parts of Myself
Author: Dan Silberberg Carl Jung and Joseph Conrad are inextricably bound in “The Hero’s Journey”. For me, the “false self”, the mask I use to be lovable, to be acceptable to others, and to project myself into the world…
Mentorship, Affirming Education and Changing the World for the Better: MenLiving Speaks with Louie Ortiz-Fonseca of Advocates for Youth
Louie Ortiz-Fonseca knows how great it feels when a mentor sees potential in someone and helps grow and blossom that potential, almost like a beautiful plant that takes time and care. Ortiz-Fonseca, who considers…
Eight Foods to Supercharge a Man’s Health
This Fitbit blog post from Australian Joel Feren was in my feed yesterday and it intrigued me. I am usually not one for random list blogs, but I was thinking about men’s health and it hit me at the right time. Plus,…
The Strides Made and the Work Ahead: Celebrating Bernice Sandler and the Fight for Title IX, 50 Years Later
Telling the story of one of the biggest civil rights leaders in the history of the U.S. is no easy feat. Being able to tell that story in a fascinating, digestible way for young teenage readers can be even more complex.…
The Sweet Aroma of Friendship
I live with the perspective that we humans are just animals with consciousness and that consciousness can be good and bad for us. For this piece, I am not going to share any deep philosophical explanation about the…
How Seeking Out Fun Can Bring Fulfillment, Increase Productivity and Keep You Healthy: MenLiving Speaks with Dr. Mike Rucker
You’ve most likely heard how the old proverb goes: “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.” The exact origins aren’t known, but the saying first appeared in James Howell’s “Proverbs in English, Italian, French and…
Men Leaning In
I was on the phone with some buddies the other day- 3 days after the historic overturn of Roe V Wade. Although I found myself thinking quite a bit over the SCOTUS decision, we did not talk about it. Instead, the…
Teaching Ethics, Integrity and Healthy Masculinity While Still Remembering Kids are Kids in 2022: MenLiving Speaks with Two Chicago Educators
The job of teaching teenagers is no easy feat. It can be frustrating and exhausting for both new and well-seasoned educators. But for Brandon Woods and Jonathon Legendre, it’s all part of the process of helping develop…
Reflections on Fatherhood
Being a father to a child can mean so many things to different people. As Father’s Day approaches, MenLiving wanted to highlight what fatherhood means to some of the dads in our community. Get ready to smile, feel…
MenLiving Emotionally…A Repost
I am a big fan of Matt Haig and his writing. He is most recently known for the NYT Best Seller, The Midnight Library. I could list the books of his I recommend, but that would be a waste. I recommend them all. Check…
Living Boldly and Consciously: How Two Entrepreneurs Are Changing the Way Consumers Make Sustainable Purchases
When the pandemic first began in the spring of 2020 and the impact of lockdown was hitting, people found lots of different ways to occupy their time. Some got into knitting, some became sourdough breadmaking…
People Like People
I recently read a profile on Brandon Stanton, the founder of the Humans of New York . The reporter writes, “the more stories of uplift he posted, the more people craved them. His most devoted followers, he said, who…
Beauty is (crepey)skin deep
The other day I was in a downward dog, and I took note of the “loose” skin on my thighs right above my knees. My wife is often talking about “crepey” skin, and I am covered with it. Up and down my legs and arms. Under…
How Processing Grief Can Lead to More Authentic Connections: Andrea Dorn on Writing About Loss for Children, The Power of Mindfulness and Embracing those Tough, Sad Feelings
Andrea Dorn never expected to become an author, let alone a non-fiction children’s books. But as someone who was always creative and had a career of experience as a clinical social worker, the pieces of the puzzle fell…
Men Who Love Men
A couple of weeks ago, I received an email from Barry Schoenfeld from the California Community of Men. As I subsequently learned when I connected with Barry, he was doing “competitive research” when he came upon…
The Games Men Play
I love to play games – basketball, pickleball, golf, you name it. But when it comes to friendship with men, games become more challenging to play. Typically, games have rules to follow that make the game fun, but with…
Teaching Advocacy and Acceptance: Chris Tompkins on Talking to Your Kids, Not Making Assumptions and His Book Raising LGBTQ Allies
Author Patrick McKenna When Chris Tompkins realized there was a missing conversation happening with his own family, he felt the need to not just broaden their view on LGBTQ topics, but to do so with families everywhere.…
Ramadan
Author: Mouhsine Adnani At MenLiving, we value curiosity and a desire to better understand the perspectives and cultures of other human beings. We are currently in the middle of Ramadan, and in the spirit of better…
A Shocking Revelation
Check out this study from 2014… Researchers at University of Virginia and Harvard University ran a series of 11 studies and found that participants from a range of ages generally did not enjoy spending even brief…
React or Respond
On Oscar night, after what’s now being referred to as “the slap”, I posted this to the Men Living page: So many thoughts … The idea that a slap to the face is the way to resolve conflict is exactly the opposite of what…
“Healing is a Marathon” How Christopher LeMark is Breaking Down Barriers and Normalizing Therapy, One Cup of Coffee at a Time
Christopher LeMark’s path to healing has been a difficult, involving self-examination and learning give himself the space to process and restore his mental wellness. For him, it’s been a marathon, not a sprint. While on…
The Work
I am a big fan of Byron Katie and her work, The Work. If you are familiar with her, feel free to skip to the “Katie and her work resonates with me” for the big payoff 😏. If you are not familiar with her, I introduce…
Finding the Courage to Love Yourself and Your Identity, Fully: Dr. Stacee Reicherzer Speaks with MenLiving
Dr. Stacee Reicherzer knows exactly who she is and what makes her sparkle. But it wasn’t an easy road to get to self-discovery. Growing up queer and transgender in South Texas, she faced plenty of bullying and traumatic…
Hold My Hand
In 2106, the Dalai Lama, Archbishop Desmond Tutu and Douglas Abrams published The Book of Joy: Lasting Happiness in a Changing World. It was a book based on Archbishop Tutu’s visit to the Dalai Lama’s home in…
5:15
5:15 is story from Ryan Bayron’s first book, Gummy Bears for the Soul: A Collection of Life Lessons That Are Easy To Chew But Hard To Digest As Told Through A Cacophony of Stories About My Dad That Are Definitely All…
Metaverse, Shmetaverse
This picture above is of me. Rather, my Bitmoji. I hope you’ll recognize me in case we meet up in the “metaverse.” Have you been reading about the metaverse? It is a term first coined by Neal Stephenson in his novel “…
The Unending Quest for Happiness: Why Authentic Connection May Be The Answer You’re Missing
When Ruth Whippman , author of the New York Times Editor’s Choice book “America the Anxious: How Our Pursuit of Happiness is Creating a Nation of Nervous Wrecks,” was asked why embracing negative emotions is actually a…
Zen Parenting: A Q&A with Cathy Cassani Adams
On February 1st, MenLiving “extended” family member, Cathy Cassani Adams (she is our ED’s wife 😉) wil release her latest book, Zen Parenting. By the title, you might think this book is just about parenting (because it…
How to Relax Relationship Tension, and Get Your Life Back on Track Fast
Guest Author: Steve Srotir Does your relationship feel like a stretched rubber band that’s about to snap? Leaving you stressed, confused, and wondering… How did you get here? What do you do next? Me too… Been there…
Getting Intimate
On Friday, Patrick McKenna and I were collaborating on a communication piece to welcome new men connecting with MenLiving for the first time. In the initial draft, Patrick included a sentence about small batches. It…
Making Mental Health a Fitness Routine: Blake Reichenbach Talks About The Intersection of Media, Body Image and Men’s Physical and Mental Wellness.
Before Blake Reichenbach founded the publication, Self-Himprovement, he felt frustrated with the content he was being paid to create as a freelance writer. So the writer created his own website where he had the freedom…
Numbers & Labels
I just finished reading, The Every , by Dave Eggers. The novel is basically about a monopoly tech company that dominates humanity and a woman’s efforts to destroy it. In the book, the Every introduces (among many other…
Taking Off the Shield and Raising Boys to Be Emotionally Connected: Dr. Michael Reichert Speaks with MenLiving
Patrick McKenna Dr. Michael Reichert has made a lifelong career out of helping young boys get in touch with their emotions and unlearn harmful ideas around masculinity. He’s an author, psychologist and Executive…
A Radical Blog Post
Radical New Paradigm. Radical Candor. Radical Acceptance. Radical Friendship. Radical Parenting. Radical Transparency. Radical Masculinity. Radical Rest (Huh??). These noun phrases are just a small sample of what seems…
Friendships of Character
Over the last year, I have used this space to share my thoughts on relationships and friendships. Today, I am sharing with you an excerpt from an interview between David Brooks, the New York Times columnist, and…
The Incredible Shrinking Man (or part of the Man)
Growing up, I visited with both sets of grandparents often. Without fail, every time I would enter my Nana Emerson’s house, she would give me a big hug and exclaim, “Oh, Shaun, you are getting so big, and I am…
Circles of Friendship
Shaun Emerson Robin Dunbar, the evolutionary psychologist, is best known for his namesake “Dunbar’s number,” which he defines as the number of stable relationships people are able to maintain at once. (The proposed…
Divine Medicine
Guest Author: David Young Being human is a gift, but all too often is a painful and lonely one. Unresolved pain is trauma of spirit and flesh. Chronic suffering emboldens the lure of addictive and numbing aspects of…
hot sauce on ice cream
I like hot sauce / spicy stuff, and I’ve historically felt constrained by just whether or not the thing is “already spicy”. I’ve been getting joy lately by figuring out how to make my food spicy, whether it was intended…
The Other Day…
The other day, during a rather tense discussion my wife and I were having…(okay, it devolved into an argument…let me be honest here), it turned from the topic we were “discussing” to how I’m difficult to communicate…
Cacao
Guest Author: David Young Cacao is served worldwide, often at empathogenic and entheogenic medicine ceremonies, yoga/tantric/breathwork/meditation sessions, and many other gatherings. It is easy for anyone to enjoy…
How To Not Be Perfect (What’s Shame Got To Do With It?)
Erik Treese & Joey Cardella Spoiler alert: This blog post is about shame. Ugh. Cool topic, bro. Bear with me though. Here I am, alone in the living room of my 1 BR apartment, having a moment where I have to laugh at…
POWER
Take a moment and think of what comes to mind when you see the word POWER. Try saying it aloud. What do you associate with the word? If you have pen and paper handy, jot down a couple words that come up for you when you…
The Kingdom of the Royal Children
John Natoli Once upon a time, in an age before memory, there was a kingdom ruled by a greedy and suspicious king. His every moment was overpowered by fears of intrigue and betrayal. He held all his many possessions…
Who are we?
I co-founded a men’s group with Frank Naugo in March of 2012. We invited a few friends into my living room to come together for a conversation. They didn’t really know what they were getting into and neither did we, but…
Just Say it
How are you as a communicator? Do you talk about the things that are hard to talk about? This question has been front and center for me lately. My thinking on the matter has been spurred by the last two MenLiving blog…
Interrupting the Story: How Survivor Mark Meier Turned his Fight Against Depression into a Fight for Men’s Mental Health
After battling depression and anxiety for many years, Mark Meier almost lost his own life to suicide. The pain and mental instability he had struggled with for so long almost pushed him over the edge, but the cry from…
Being Not Right is Uneasily Done
It’s hard to not be right. In much of our lives, it’s quite important, if not imperative to be right. If your tax accountant, dentist, plumber or air traffic controller gets it wrong, there can be severe consequences.…
Last Week in Texas
When I heard the news last week about the law that passed in Texas, I said to myself “That’s wrong and I wish that law didn’t pass.” I then went on with the rest of my day without giving it much more thought. In other…
Gazing
I was zooming the other day and noticing, at a particular angle, an emerging turkey neck. This development fits nicely with no hair (except in my ears and nose!), muscle deterioration and crepey (more like creepy) skin.…
Peach Pie Party
As a student of Life and someone who’s passionate about learning how to more fully participate, engage and grow in my everyday existence, I have learned to seek out and “pool” my resources. Teacher resources that is. I…
MenLiving Thought Leaders: An Interview with Andrew Smiler, PhD.
In his second entry to the MenLiving Thought Leader series, Patrick interviews Dr. Andrew Smiler. Dr Smiler is an author and licensed therapist with expertise in adolescent boys, men, and masculinity. He is the author…
Courage to Connect
On Monday, I participated in a call with MenLiving member, Tony Schmidt, and Dr. Daniel Ellenberg. Dr. Ellenberg, is a psychotherapist, marriage and relationship therapist, author, and facilitator. He has been leading…
Initiations
There are plenty of emotional moments in This is Us, one of the many reasons it’s my favorite show. But one scene in particular choked me up, when Randall, then a 9-year-old boy, was in his karate class with his father…
Speak to the hurt and locate it.
My kids are going through a phase where they seem to want MOM all the time. The fact is they don’t want her all of the time, but the percentage is pretty high and I did state it “seems” like all the time. Like when the…
Man has intuition (An original poem by John Natoli)
Man has intuition too, We carry it boiling in our belly A hot coal that won’t extinguish It bubbles over in rage or suspicion Its vapor clouds our vision Sizzling whispered lies of ineptitude, inadequacy Sometimes, when…
Sweatpants
Dan Shea is a a dear friend of mine. I love him. Today, I am going to tell you a nice story about a good man doing a good thing. Maybe we all could do one good thing today, too. My wife and I were at Cindy and Dan’s for…
Traffic
I drove to Detroit yesterday to meet with some customers, and while on I94 East, I ran into a bumper-to-bumper traffic jam. Teeth clenched… Grrrrr. Cue the inner dialogue: What’s going on up there? Where are all these…
An Interview with Andrew Reiner
Andrew Reiner has been interested in challenging the tropes of modern day hypermasculinity since his teenage years. After becoming a father, the research he had been doing for years felt even more urgently needed. That,…
Not Voted Off This Island
A neighbor and I used to get together to drink wine and discuss philosophy. (Now and then, we talked about roofing companies and battery-powered lawnmowers, too.) Brad’s an economics professor who spends much of life in…
If only people would behave the way I want them to…
I recently had a conversation with a member of our Executive Team at work regarding the transition of fully remote, work from home to working back in the office. Of course, as things begin to open up here in Illinois…
Brothers…Sisters
For a little more than a year, I have gathered virtually with many of the men on this distribution list for meaningful connection. Some weeks, I connect with you multiple times: in big groups, small groups and one on…
Brother.
Brother is a song by LA indie rock band Lord Huron. It means a lot to me and if you know the song it might mean a lot to you as well. If this post is your first exposure to the song, read through the words a couple of…
Part III: Finding Love & Acceptance-Living with Bipolar Disorder
I chose to share my story through this blog series for many reasons. Since 2017, nearly every person that’s come into my life on a meaningful level knows about my experiences with mental illness. Whether it’s a new…
WHY?
Thankfully, my thirst for and commitment to learning never ceases. By now, I sometimes wish I were further along in my knowledge and understanding but I guess we all learn at a different pace and in our own way. Take…
Part II: Finding Love & Acceptance-Living with Bipolar Disorder
Waking up in the behavioral health unit of a hospital was a surreal, humbling experience. There’s often a tendency to think you’re above those who are struggling harder than you are — it was hard to accept that I could…
Finding Love & Acceptance: Living with Bipolar Disorder
Hi, I’m Patrick. I’m about to do what I feel that I do best. I’m going to tell the story of my life and experiences living with a mood disorder. It’s an abbreviated version of the rollercoaster ride of the last 5 years…
11 Mistakes
I’m 19 years into my marriage and I don’t pretend to be an expert. However, I know my foundation is solid and will endure the test of time. Mostly because when I screw up, I do my best to learn and grow. Marriage is not…
Birding is a lot like personal growth work.
I’m lying in bed (in my camper) unable to sleep and all of a sudden I hear it. “Who cooks for you? Who cooks for you-all?” Who cooks for you? Who cooks for you-aaaaall?” The amazing, distinctive call of the Barred Owl.…
Be-Do-Have
“We don’t see the world as it is; we see it as we are” ― Anaïs Nin. What does this quote open up your awareness to? Can you reflect on an experience that might bring it alive? Perhaps if it has some truth, human…
There’s this dance…
There’s this dance of BEing in the present moment AND creating your future. Oh this dance can be a graceful waltz or a rough krump battle. It can be carefully choreographed or made up on the spot and improvised. How to…
Spiritual Bypass or Letting Go
Over the last couple of weeks, it has been suggested to me that I may be a “spiritual bypasser.” Do you know this term? From Wikipedia, “ Spiritual bypass or spiritual bypassing is a “tendency to use spiritual ideas and…
“She did all the things”
I wrote this post today so you will see this one phrase. And if you decide to read this post, I hope this one phrase sticks to you: “She did all the things.” In yesterday’s episode of Zen Parenting Radio, Todd and Cathy…
Questions of Leadership
My company recently administered a leadership assessment (test) for a cross section of employees. The Sales Management team (of which I’m a part) was reviewing the assessment of an individual in our organization we’ve…
Zoom or not to Zoom
As of yesterday, 92M Americans had been vaccinated. The new President has stated that there will be enough vaccinations for every American by the end of May. Cubs and Sox will let fans in the parks. I am getting a…
It’s Not How, It’s Where
Every day I ask men, “How are you doing?” Usually I get a response like, “fine” or “good”, but that’s not really what I’m looking for. A better way to phrase the question is, “How are you feeling?” When guys start…
Conflict
Conflict. Take a moment and ponder this word. What are your thoughts and beliefs about it? What comes up for you when see and put your attention towards it? Perhaps say it aloud. Conflict. Any body sensations? How do…
Alone not Lonely
I like being alone. There are many activities I would prefer to do solo, but I don’t often get the chance. I am rarely alone. I think I decided long ago that engaging others would lead to a more fruitful life. So, I do…
Forward!
I found my answer when I was thumbing through Walden by Thoreau the other day. I’d been working through a couple of weeks of being in some sort of a “funk”. This somber tone edging up to a low-grade depressed state.…
Sleeping, Working, and Leisuring
Every year, the US Bureau of Labor Statistics surveys how Americans spend their time. The latest results are from the 2019 study. The chart below depicts average hours per day spent in selected activities in total and…
People Don’t Care About Me (Why That’s Good News)
A good chunk of my day is spent seeking out approval of others. It pains me (and is slightly embarrassing) to admit, but it’s the truth. Three examples: I do pushups and jog regularly – partially to clear my head and be…
“I’m right, you’re wrong”
On a recent Sunday, while engaging in some early morning contemplation time, humor and laughter came to mind. I was reminded of a couple recent experiences I had related to the topic. First, I watched comedian Russell…
Performing or Living?
Last August, Pete Hamill, the New York City journalist, novelist, essayist and editor died. Over the years, I had read several of his newspaper pieces and had always intended on reading some of his longer works. News of…
I Love Awkward!
Every Saturday, for years, I have read Peggy Noonan’s Declarations column in the Wall Street Journal. Last Saturday, Peggy was writing as always about politics, the country and not too surprisingly COVID and the…
Bow…then clean your closet
Often, there’s a tape playing inside my head that says, “You’re not doing enough.” This tape can continually run if I don’t stop and bring my awareness to it. Sometimes I’ll catch myself in these moments and either…
The GOAT and The Kiss
I grew up outside of Boston, but I have now been in the Midwest for almost 20 years longer than I was in New England. And despite my move, I have maintained my allegiance to Boston’s sports franchises. A loyalty that…
Living Intentional
“How was your day?” “Pretty good. How was yours?” Sound familiar? It does to me. Honestly, I get tired of hearing myself reply in that way with such regularity. Now, don’t get me wrong, “pretty good” is pretty good…
Ruminating…
I have been ruminating about our organization’s new name, MenLiving . As you can see, we eliminated the space between Men and Living to create the name and logo. My contemplation led me to wonder what if we added the…
MenLiving – same game, different name
Back when I established my first “men’s group” in 2008, I personally invited a handful of men to join me in forming a thing I had little knowledge about, much less a plan for. Because they trusted me (I suppose) a…
Heads You Win…?
For years, I have been receiving Fortune’s daily email, TermSheet . TermSheet provides a summary of the previous day’s venture capital and private equity deals. A few weeks ago, I read this: Numan , a UK-based online…
“Don’t Know” Mind
I am creating this post on Tuesday afternoon prior to polls closing. I was going to write about men’s health, but figured it would be a little numb not to share something that is born from an election that is so…
The Trials of a Rule Follower
I continue to learn things about myself. At 47 yrs old, I’m sometimes surprised to find there’s more here to discover. This summer my family and I went to visit my parent home in Michigan. It just so happened that they…
Poems
The topic of our September 30th Chicago meeting was Cultivating Creativity. Mike Rosen and Todd Adams wrote a couple great poems about their MenLiving experience. We Gather- Mike Rosen Under the timeless glow of an…
What is a “regular” guy?
To start, this is a picture of my friend, Craig Dooley. He is a wonderful man. I texted him last night to let him know that I would be writing about him. I think he might be surprised by the huge pic. I met him through…
Creatively Yours
There are at least as many ways in which parenting is wonderful as it is challenging. My kids teach me things almost daily (I’m guessing you can relate). Their wisdom catches me off guard sometimes and I’m stuck sitting…
Vulnerability, Leadership, and Masculinity
In recent days, we have witnessed a high profile microcosm of the struggle in which our men’s group and we have been engaged for nearly a decade. The arena was no less than the National Football League, the most popular…
The Most Important Work You Can Do Right Now.
A while back, I conducted an initial therapy session with a family: Mom, Dad and sixteen-year-old son. Let’s call him James. Mom and son sat on the couch, dad on an adjacent chair. The presenting issue was the son’s…
You know what assuming does…
As I was finishing up a run in the forest preserve yesterday I noticed an older woman walking with 2 plastic bags towards the woods. Wait, is that my neighbor from across the street? She was a ways away from me but it…
Am I going to start crying?
Last night I was sitting alone on my back deck on a beautiful summer night and was a little beat down from a long week. I listened to some soft music (Natalie Merchant) and just sat there. I began thinking about my mom…
Just Sitting
I am 57 years old. Let’s say for the simplicity of round numbers, adulthood starts at 17. Therefore, I have been an “adult” for 40 years (damn!). For the first 30 of those adult years, I was a workaholic, mostly…
Beauty or Utility?
After I’m done with the workday, I generally go out for a stroll through the neighborhood to unwind, get some fresh air and move my bones. One of the things I enjoy doing on these walks is to check out how people choose…
Honest Human Relationships
About 3 or 4 years ago, I attended my first MenLiving meeting. Today, I am MenLiving’s Board President and a very involved day to day volunteer. But, honestly, I’m still not particularly comfortable with the concepts of…
Everything is Possible
I’m lying in bed at 4 o’clock am thinking of how things could have gone better in our Sales and Customer Service Coordination meeting today – that’s never a good thing…OR, could it be? I’m reminded of what this meeting…
Cry, of course!
This past Saturday, to open up our Board of Directors’ meeting for MenLiving, we checked-in with naming a man or men that inspire us or is part of the “why” we do this work. It happened to be a rather impromptu…
Artistry and Play
Do you consider yourself an artist? What is the first type of art that you hold yourself up against when trying to answer that question? Or, did you immediately answer “no” ? If I weren’t asking the questions here, I…
Dog Paddling
Last week, I was hanging by the pool with my wife and 26 year old daughter when my daughter suggested we have a doggy paddle “competition.” I was reading a book at the time so wasn’t particularly interested. They…
The Qualities of a Gentleman
I wanted to share a blog post I wrote over 9 years ago. The point was and is not political. The point was and is aspirational. On February 15th, President Obama honored 15 individuals at the annual Presidential Medal of…
Carrying Within
Recently, spurred on by what’s been happening in this country since George Floyd’s death, we’ve been immersed in several discussions centered around systemic racism in this country and what impact that has on black and…
Finding Harmony
Breathe in… To live in a more harmonious world by deepening connections amongst men Breathe out… These prompts are reminders for me, as much if not more than, they are for anyone reading this. Between breaths is our…
A Tragic Death and the Memory of a Missed Opportunity
By now you’ve hopefully heard the story of how George Floyd’s life ended. I am deeply saddened, angered and disappointed to learn of yet another black man’s life ending prematurely and in such a brutal and senseless…
Life is Unfair
I had a rather unusual Friday night. It was unusual because I was home all by myself. I had worked from home and my wife had taken the kids to an early evening “play date” after picking my oldest up from preschool.…
Meet MenLiving: MenLiving Co-Founders Todd Adams and Frank Naugo
Meet MenLiving is an ongoing blog post providing more insight into the men who are members of our community. In this post, we introduce you to MenLiving Co-Founders Todd Adams and Frank Naugo: Let’s start with some…
Disprove Your Story…by golly
One of the great things for me about exercise, especially the kind that is somewhat monotonous, or rather, “trance-like” (as is the case with running) is how it allows my mind to move in ways it otherwise wouldn’t. Both…
How MenLiving Changed My Life
I was standing in my living room in Wicker Park sometime in 2008 when my friend Frank Naugo started talking to me about his desire to start something— a men’s group —a place to connect, learn and grow. I remember it…
Meet MenLiving: Shaun Emerson
Meet MenLiving is an ongoing blog post providing more insight into the men who are members of our community. In our inaugural post, we introduce you to Shaun Emerson: Let’s start with some basics about your story. Share…
Am I enough in this life?
It’s 8:15 PM and my day feels like it’s finally just wrapping up. Now, I can do whatever it is I want to do. Which, in tonight’s case is to go down the basement and veg out watching an episode of Peaky Blinders. A want…
A Glimpse of Understanding
I am visiting my brother who lives in Snoqualmie, WA which is about 30 minutes east of Seattle. After dropping off my 16-year-old daughter off for a lunch date, I had about an hour to kill so I decided to hike a few…
MenLiving 2.0 Update
MenLiving men’s group is excited to announce its new status as a not for profit organization! The current group began February 2012 in Todd’s living room with a few others longing for authentic conversation and…
Response to the Gillette Commercial
There’s a been quite a bit of on-line dialogue in the last 24 hours regarding the new Gillette commercial “We Believe: The Best Men Can Be” If you haven’t seen it, please take a look here. It’s been viewed over 5…
Don’t Give Your Wife A Break
Yesterday a friend of mine was looking for support regarding an argument he recently had with his wife. The story he shared was similar to experiences I’ve had with my wife. “I worked in the backyard and cleaned out the…
White Male Privilege & Toxic Masculinity
“White male privilege” and “toxic masculinity” seems to be brought up now more than ever. Many men I know take offense to these terms. I don’t because I believe it’s true now and has been true for a very long time. I…
Wanted: White Men…
…to step into the mature masculine. I define this as the capacity to be both strong and gentle, competitive and compassionate and the wisdom to know which energy to call on at any particular moment . Some men have…
Calling All Complacent White Straight Males
I am complacent when it comes to the tragedies that fill up my newsfeed – Charlottesville and North Korea, just to name a few. When I hear bad news, I pause for a moment and think to myself, “I’m scared” or “That’s…
Straight men showing PDA?
In this video, straight Dutch men are holding hands in public in response to the gay couple who were physically attacked for a public display of affection…. I find this powerful and moving, and I would love to see more…
Parental Amnesia
The following is a short list off the top of my head of some personal bad decision making from my adolescence. @ 5 years old I played “doctor” with a girl neighbor across the street engaging in a session of “you show me…
Don’t Be A Dick
I struggle with the writing process. My mind works in the form of bullet points as opposed to long-form which is what prohibits me from saying what I want to say. But I feel I have ideas of value to share. (My English…
What is “Men’s Work?”
Zen Parenting Radio is not so much about parenting, rather it’s mostly about self-awareness. Typically Cathy and I share our experiences of how we both can become more self-aware, but every now and again we invite…
11 Mistakes Your Marriage Needs You to Stop Making
I’m 11 years into my marriage and I don’t pretend to be an expert. However, I know my foundation is solid and will endure the test of time. Mostly because when I screw up, I do my best to learn and grow. Marriage is not…
Am I a Bad Dad? Am I a Bad Husband?
I have this vivid memory of being in the hospital room with my wife the night after our third daughter was born and how happy my wife was to wake up to nurse this kid at 3:00 AM and change her diaper while I was on the…
Silence Is Not Golden
I am a white straight male. I can wear a hoodie when I walk down the street. I feel safe because I live in an upper-middle class neighborhood. I don’t get judged because of my skin color. I don’t have to give any of my…
What Is Wrong And Right With This Video
I posted a 53 second video yesterday morning on my Facebook page . It is of a little boy (maybe 3 years old) stroking, protecting, and caressing his newborn brother. That’s it. Big deal, right? Well the video has been…
Cubs- All The Way?
Let’s get one thing straight- I am a White Sox fan. But on the eve of this Wildcard playoff game between the Cubs and the Pirates, I am 100% rooting for the North-siders. I have never subscribed to the idea that in…
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Latest episodes
If You’ve Come This Far — long conversations with Shaun Emerson and Chris Lozier about a fuller life.
Old Man Walking Club...A Case Study in Human ConnectionExplicit
During COVID, six childhood friends from West Roxbury tried to reconnect on Zoom. It was a disaster, so they went for a walk instead. Seven years later, they’re still walking five miles every Sunday, and one of them…
S5 · E221 hr 13 minFriendship & loneliness
Victor Matheson...The Economics of SportExplicit
Dr. Victor Matheson, a professor of economics at the College of the Holy Cross, joins Shaun and Chris for a pragmatic look at the intersection of sports, money, and societal impact. From the reality of billionaire…
S5 · E211 hr 26 minService & community
John Wasik…Curious and TirelessExplicit
John Wasik is a journalist, public servant, and author of 19 books, whose work spans economics, environmentalism, and community action. Raised in the South suburbs of Chicago with deep roots in the steel mills, Wasik…
S5 · E201 hr 10 minService & community
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