From Todd Adams Executive Director- At MenLiving, we generally steer clear of religion, but I’m making an exception this week. My good friend (and MenLiving Member) Steve Joe, who is a Christian, recently wrote a thoughtful piece titled "Three Things I Learned from Non-Christian Friends." What struck me is how deeply it reflects our core values here—especially approaching others with curiosity, dropping assumptions, and being willing to learn from people whose experiences and worldviews look entirely different from our own.
Scripture calls Christians into deep and meaningful relationships with one another—connections that support, comfort, and challenge us (see John 13:34–35; Romans 12:10; 1 Peter 4:8). I believe it is vital to remain rooted in Christian community, from where we can draw strength and encouragement. But there is a risk of becoming too comfortable within familiar circles, wherever we feel at home and surrounded by those who share similar beliefs and styles of worship.
Stepping Out of Our Comfort Zones
Scripture offers examples, like the apostle Paul, who was willing to enter other religious spaces and to engage people who had radically different views than his own (Acts 17:16–23). Few experiences have grown my faith more than taking every opportunity to engage people of different faiths (or no faith at all)—people whom Jesus calls me to love.
I know that not every Christian is ready to enter conversations about religious matters—yet. But God calls us to reject a spirit of apathy. We might, for instance, have the impression that responsibility to our neighbors begins when a person enters the doors of a church—or in other words, when a person is already engaged and curious about Jesus. Could it be that many Christians are simply not patient enough to engage a person in sincere conversation, if that person has radically different beliefs to begin with? I believe it is always a good time to begin!
I value my Christian friendships and have learned so much through them. But when I intentionally step out of my comfort zone to pursue friendships with people who do not share my faith, I discover more about what it means to be Jesus’ disciple. I offer three observations that have come from investing in these friendships outside of what might be called a “Christian bubble.”
Non-Christian Friends Grow My Understanding
Spending time with people of other faiths exposes me to beliefs that challenge my lingering assumptions and expand my limited perspectives.
Challenging My Assumptions
For a season, I met regularly with an American friend who identified as Buddhist. We would meet at a cafe, enjoy a meal, and talk about our lives and shared volunteer work. One day over coffee, he told me that he had just been laid off from the company where he had worked for decades. He felt an immense pressure to support his family, pay his children’s tuition, and calm his wife’s anxiety about their finances. When I asked how he handled this kind of stress according to his faith, he described practicing mindfulness. I asked for clarification, and he said it meant that he focused on his breathing and grounded himself in the moment.
My friend’s understanding of Buddhism as a practical way to manage stress differed from what I had heard from others who practiced a more traditional, Asian form of Buddhist meditation, which emphasizes removing desire as the root of suffering or cultivating positive karma.
This exchange challenged my assumptions. The best way to learn what a word means is to ask—and then to faithfully listen.
Inviting Me to Be Curious
Then there were conversations with Hindu colleagues at work. Over carry-in lunches, they shared homemade food and spoke openly about spirituality. These conversations revealed a rich diversity within their faith. I observed that they engaged in a broad range of worship styles. One person did not practice any form of worship, preferring “doing justice.” Another had a formal pooja ceremony in her home (when a priest offers flowers and food to a deity). The same friends held a wide range of views on the divine, from pantheistic beliefs to a more monotheistic understanding of a single, supreme God. So many differences within a single religion surprised me.
Genuine curiosity about others’ beliefs and willingness to listen to their perspectives—these develop relationships, open doors, and lay a foundation for meaningful conversations.
Curiosity and openness create space to talk about Jesus.
Non-Christian Friends Develop My Compassion
Listening with curiosity and approaching others’ perspectives with respect develops my compassion.
I’ll give an example. A Muslim colleague once told me that he needed a few minutes each day for prayer. Curious, I asked to hear more about his faith. He invited me to an iftar dinner during Ramadan, and I learned about his intense schedule for that season: pre-dawn meals, fasting from dawn to sunset, reciting from the Quran, praying five times a day, and giving 2.5 percent of his savings to people in need.
Our conversations led to a confession: After the events of September 11, he and his family had lived in fear. He had told coworkers that he attended a Christian church just to avoid their suspicion. Even though he and his community condemned the attacks on the World Trade Center, my colleague experienced distrust.
I felt compassion for him, and through our open conversations, I discovered that my friend and I both held Jesus in high regard. Now, when I approach a conversation with a Muslim friend, I don’t feel shy about describing the example of Jesus.
Speaking Words of Grace
Another time, a Jewish friend taught me the power of words.
During a men’s support group, I described myself as “broken.” But this friend jumped in to correct me, insisting, “You’re not broken.” Through further conversation, I learned about his life as a neurodivergent man raised in an Orthodox Jewish community. For a long time, he was treated as defective; but years of therapy had helped him to accept his differences. And then he discovered a particular Reformed Jewish community that viewed neurodivergence as a special connection to God! His experience helped him redefine himself, not as broken, but as “different.”
I sat amazed that he now advocated for me! My friend’s story gave me the courage to reframe my own experiences and taught me that compassion and graciousness make an enormous difference.
When I hear other stories of transformation and when I give and receive compassion, I tell people that my transformation begins with Jesus.
Non-Christian Friends Display Shared Human Longings
Despite our religious and theological differences, friendships with non-Christians uncover common ground. The connections never cease to surprise me—shared hopes for love, peace, justice, freedom—even among those who don’t know God.
My Hindu colleagues, my Muslim friend, and my Jewish friend—they all share a common desire to grow and to live rightly in the world, to be shaped by compassion and justice.
The Muslim who gives 2.5 percent of his savings to people in need shares my concern for the poor. A Hindu who is devoted to selfless service and who volunteers at a Christian food pantry and homeless shelter shares my desire to embody compassion and mercy.
These friends share my longings. Somehow, even though they don’t share my Christian faith, they value some of the same things that Jesus teaches me to value. And this common ground inspires my hope.
Building Trust Through Common Ground
Sometimes I think about the speech that Paul might have made when he visited a city filled with idols: he could have condemned the Athenians for worshiping the wrong gods (compare Acts 17:16–34). Instead, Paul strategically built a bridge between their religious devotion and his own (17:22–23). Paul validated what was good about their worship, even when it was misdirected.
Over time, honest conversations with these friends have built trust between us. Creating space for earnest listening breaks down barriers, reduces fear of judgment, and prevents a discussion from becoming an argument. After communicating with a spirit of openness and respect, some of these friends have accepted invitations to visit my church (with their parents, no less!).