As a student of Life and someone who’s passionate about learning how to more fully participate, engage and grow in my everyday existence, I have learned to seek out and “pool” my resources. Teacher resources that is. I lean on myself and my own inner wisdom plenty, and yet I’m aware of my current limitations and the expansive wisdom that is out there in my community and the one that I want to cultivate. So, I surround myself with and utilize coaches, therapists, mentors, friends and those that cover most or all of these bases (I did marry a psychotherapist after all – just kidding, that would be bad if I leaned on her for that).
Little did I know that when deciding to have a family, I was calling forth my greatest teachers of all. More on this later.
I’m settling into the fact that I’ll always be learning and that the more I learn, the more I realize how little I know. Which is why it’s not so striking to me that it’s taken me 48 years to learn the very important lesson of:
ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT
Have I not asked for what I want up until this point?!?! Of course I have. But, what I’m talking about here is REALLY asking for what I want. The kind of unapologetic, knowing that it’s well within my rights, and that I deserve it kind of asking for what I want. Now, I understand that this word deserving can get a bit tricky. It conjures up thoughts and feelings of privilege as well as entitlement. However, I’ve learned (or, am learning) I have to fight the urge to not go down this path. Because, this can lead to the path of UN-deserving. The dark and lonely path of justifying why I don’t deserve. You see, what I’m recognizing is that it isn’t so much about “the thing” that I’m asking for as much as it is about THE ASKING….which I most definitely “deserve”.
My kids. My greatest teachers.
They don’t seem to walk down this path of undeserving…and, thank goodness for that. I hope part of what my wife and I are instilling in them is that they don’t ever have to.
My daughter, Eliza, has been asking (truth be told…telling) my wife she wants to have a Peach Pie Party. Why? Why the hell not?!? She was very explicit, clear and direct in what it was she wanted. She wanted to make peach pie with her mom and invite some friends and her cousins over to enjoy it.
Did she deserve it? Of course she did! (Jamie, my wife also deserves a ton of credit for pulling it all off with a little help from me ;).
The pie was delicious, the weather was superb, much fun was had by all, and Eliza’s little idea and “asking” brought joy, laughter and a feeling of connection for all those involved.
Many times when I ask for what I want, I doubt myself and don’t ask with confidence. Don’t be apologetic…ask for what I want.
You got it Eddie! Asking for what we want lights us up.