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BlogEmotional Vulnerability
Getting Intimate
January 12, 2022On Friday, Patrick McKenna and I were collaborating on a communication piece to welcome new men connecting with MenLiving for the first time. In the initial draft, Patrick included a sentence about small batches. It read, “Small Batches are more intimate…
BlogMenLiving Thought Leaders
Making Mental Health a Fitness Routine: Blake Reichenbach Talks About The Intersection of Media, Body Image and Men’s Physical and Mental Wellness.
January 6, 2022Before Blake Reichenbach founded the publication, Self-Himprovement, he felt frustrated with the content he was being paid to create as a freelance writer. So the writer created his own website where he had the freedom to create the content he…
Blog
Numbers & Labels
January 5, 2022I just finished reading, The Every, by Dave Eggers. The novel is basically about a monopoly tech company that dominates humanity and a woman's efforts to destroy it. In the book, the Every introduces (among many other things) two apps,…
BlogMenLiving Thought Leaders
Taking Off the Shield and Raising Boys to Be Emotionally Connected: Dr. Michael Reichert Speaks with MenLiving
January 4, 2022Patrick McKenna Dr. Michael Reichert has made a lifelong career out of helping young boys get in touch with their emotions and unlearn harmful ideas around masculinity. He’s an author, psychologist and Executive Director of the Center for the Study…
Blog
A Radical Blog Post
December 29, 2021Radical New Paradigm. Radical Candor. Radical Acceptance. Radical Friendship. Radical Parenting. Radical Transparency. Radical Masculinity. Radical Rest (Huh??). These noun phrases are just a small sample of what seems to be a fascination with the radical modifier these days. Are…
Blog
Friendships of Character
December 21, 2021Over the last year, I have used this space to share my thoughts on relationships and friendships. Today, I am sharing with you an excerpt from an interview between David Brooks, the New York Times columnist, and ethicist, Leon Kass. In this…
Blog
The Incredible Shrinking Man (or part of the Man)
December 15, 2021Growing up, I visited with both sets of grandparents often. Without fail, every time I would enter my Nana Emerson’s house, she would give me a big hug and exclaim, “Oh, Shaun, you are getting so big, and I am…
Blog
Circles of Friendship
November 24, 2021Shaun Emerson Robin Dunbar, the evolutionary psychologist, is best known for his namesake “Dunbar’s number,” which he defines as the number of stable relationships people are able to maintain at once. (The proposed number is 150.) But in a new book…
Blog
I highly recommend “If You’ve Come This Far” (especially episode 1)!
November 9, 2021Todd Adams MenLiving has grown quite a bit in its offerings in the last few years. We began as a group of men coming to my living room once a month to have an authentic discussion and has evolved into…
Blog
Divine Medicine
November 2, 2021David Young Being human is a gift, but all too often is a painful and lonely one. Unresolved pain is trauma of spirit and flesh. Chronic suffering emboldens the lure of addictive and numbing aspects of social media, violence, greed, porn, sugar,…
Blog
hot sauce on ice cream
November 2, 2021I like hot sauce / spicy stuff, and I've historically felt constrained by just whether or not the thing is "already spicy". I've been getting joy lately by figuring out how to make my food spicy, whether it was intended…
Blog
The Other Day…
October 27, 2021The other day, during a rather tense discussion my wife and I were having…(okay, it devolved into an argument…let me be honest here), it turned from the topic we were “discussing” to how I’m difficult to communicate with. This led me…
Blog
Cacao
October 19, 2021David Young Cacao is served worldwide, often at empathogenic and entheogenic medicine ceremonies, yoga/tantric/breathwork/meditation sessions, and many other gatherings. It is easy for anyone to enjoy themselves at home and it can strengthen relationships especially if enjoyed as a couple. A…
Blog
How To Not Be Perfect (What’s Shame Got To Do With It?)
October 19, 2021Erik Treese & Joey Cardella Spoiler alert: This blog post is about shame. Ugh. Cool topic, bro. Bear with me though. Here I am, alone in the living room of my 1 BR apartment, having a moment where I…
Blog
Who are we?
October 5, 2021I co-founded a men’s group with Frank Naugo in March of 2012. We invited a few friends into my living room to come together for a conversation. They didn’t really know what they were getting into and neither did we, but…
Blog
Just Say it
September 29, 2021How are you as a communicator? Do you talk about the things that are hard to talk about? This question has been front and center for me lately. My thinking on the matter has been spurred by the last two MenLiving…
BlogMenLiving Thought Leaders
Interrupting the Story: How Survivor Mark Meier Turned his Fight Against Depression into a Fight for Men’s Mental Health
September 26, 2021After battling depression and anxiety for many years, Mark Meier almost lost his own life to suicide. The pain and mental instability he had struggled with for so long almost pushed him over the edge, but the cry from his…
Blog
Being Not Right is Uneasily Done
September 22, 2021It’s hard to not be right. In much of our lives, it’s quite important, if not imperative to be right. If your tax accountant, dentist, plumber or air traffic controller gets it wrong, there can be severe consequences. If you show up…
Blog
Last Week in Texas
September 8, 2021When I heard the news last week about the law that passed in Texas, I said to myself “That’s wrong and I wish that law didn’t pass.” I then went on with the rest of my day without giving it much…
Blog
Peach Pie Party
August 18, 2021As a student of Life and someone who’s passionate about learning how to more fully participate, engage and grow in my everyday existence, I have learned to seek out and “pool” my resources. Teacher resources that is. I lean on myself and…
BlogMenLiving Thought Leaders
MenLiving Thought Leaders: An Interview with Andrew Smiler, PhD.
August 16, 2021In his second entry to the MenLiving Thought Leader series, Patrick interviews Dr. Andrew Smiler. Dr Smiler is an author and licensed therapist with expertise in adolescent boys, men, and masculinity. He is the author of “Is Masculinity Toxic?: A…
Blog
Courage to Connect
August 11, 2021On Monday, I participated in a call with MenLiving member, Tony Schmidt, and Dr. Daniel Ellenberg. Dr. Ellenberg, is a psychotherapist, marriage and relationship therapist, author, and facilitator. He has been leading men’s groups for over 30 years and is the…
Blog
Initiations
August 3, 2021There are plenty of emotional moments in This is Us, one of the many reasons it’s my favorite show. But one scene in particular choked me up, when Randall, then a 9-year-old boy, was in his karate class with his father observing…
Blog
Speak to the hurt and locate it.
July 28, 2021My kids are going through a phase where they seem to want MOM all the time. The fact is they don’t want her all of the time, but the percentage is pretty high and I did state it “seems” like all…
Uncategorized
2022 MenLiving Weekend
July 28, 2021https://player.vimeo.com/video/579994875 MenLiving - Unplug, Unwind and Recharge from Shaun Emerson on Vimeo.
Blog
Man has intuition (An original poem by John Natoli)
July 13, 2021Man has intuition too, We carry it boiling in our belly A hot coal that won't extinguish It bubbles over in rage or suspicion Its vapor clouds our vision Sizzling whispered lies of ineptitude, inadequacy Sometimes, when we open our…
Blog
Sweatpants
July 7, 2021Dan Shea is a a dear friend of mine. I love him. Today, I am going to tell you a nice story about a good man doing a good thing. Maybe we all could do one good thing today, too. …
Blog
An Interview with Andrew Reiner
June 24, 2021Andrew Reiner has been interested in challenging the tropes of modern day hypermasculinity since his teenage years. After becoming a father, the research he had been doing for years felt even more urgently needed. That, matched with the reception he…
Blog
Not Voted Off This Island
June 22, 2021A neighbor and I used to get together to drink wine and discuss philosophy. (Now and then, we talked about roofing companies and battery-powered lawnmowers, too.) Brad’s an economics professor who spends much of life in a world of numbers.…
Blog
If only people would behave the way I want them to…
June 16, 2021I recently had a conversation with a member of our Executive Team at work regarding the transition of fully remote, work from home to working back in the office. Of course, as things begin to open up here in Illinois and…
Blog
Brothers…Sisters
June 9, 2021For a little more than a year, I have gathered virtually with many of the men on this distribution list for meaningful connection. Some weeks, I connect with you multiple times: in big groups, small groups and one on one.…
Blog
Part III: Finding Love & Acceptance-Living with Bipolar Disorder
May 25, 2021I chose to share my story through this blog series for many reasons. Since 2017, nearly every person that’s come into my life on a meaningful level knows about my experiences with mental illness. Whether it's a new coworker, someone…
Blog
Part II: Finding Love & Acceptance-Living with Bipolar Disorder
May 19, 2021Waking up in the behavioral health unit of a hospital was a surreal, humbling experience. There's often a tendency to think you’re above those who are struggling harder than you are -- it was hard to accept that I could be…
Blog
Finding Love & Acceptance: Living with Bipolar Disorder
May 12, 2021Hi, I’m Patrick. I’m about to do what I feel that I do best. I’m going to tell the story of my life and experiences living with a mood disorder. It’s an abbreviated version of the rollercoaster ride of the…
Blog
11 Mistakes
May 5, 2021I’m 19 years into my marriage and I don’t pretend to be an expert. However, I know my foundation is solid and will endure the test of time. Mostly because when I screw up, I do my best to learn…
Blog
Birding is a lot like personal growth work.
April 28, 2021I’m lying in bed (in my camper) unable to sleep and all of a sudden I hear it. “Who cooks for you? Who cooks for you-all?” Who cooks for you? Who cooks for you-aaaaall?” The amazing, distinctive call of the Barred Owl. Undeniable. And, thrilling…
Blog
Be-Do-Have
April 21, 2021"We don't see the world as it is; we see it as we are"― Anaïs Nin. What does this quote open up your awareness to? Can you reflect on an experience that might bring it alive? Perhaps if it has some…
Blog
There’s this dance…
April 14, 2021There’s this dance of BEing in the present moment AND creating your future. Oh this dance can be a graceful waltz or a rough krump battle. It can be carefully choreographed or made up on the spot and improvised. How to…
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Spiritual Bypass or Letting Go
April 7, 2021Over the last couple of weeks, it has been suggested to me that I may be a “spiritual bypasser.” Do you know this term? From Wikipedia, “Spiritual bypass or spiritual bypassing is a "tendency to use spiritual ideas and practices to sidestep or avoid facing…
Blog
“She did all the things”
March 24, 2021I wrote this post today so you will see this one phrase. And if you decide to read this post, I hope this one phrase sticks to you: “She did all the things.” In yesterday’s episode of Zen Parenting Radio,…
Blog
Questions of Leadership
March 17, 2021My company recently administered a leadership assessment (test) for a cross section of employees. The Sales Management team (of which I’m a part) was reviewing the assessment of an individual in our organization we’ve deemed ready to be in a Leadership…
Blog
Zoom or not to Zoom
March 10, 2021As of yesterday, 92M Americans had been vaccinated. The new President has stated that there will be enough vaccinations for every American by the end of May. Cubs and Sox will let fans in the parks. I am getting a…
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It’s Not How, It’s Where
March 2, 2021Every day I ask men, “How are you doing?” Usually I get a response like, “fine” or “good”, but that’s not really what I’m looking for. A better way to phrase the question is, “How are you feeling?” When guys…
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Alone not Lonely
February 17, 2021I like being alone. There are many activities I would prefer to do solo, but I don’t often get the chance. I am rarely alone. I think I decided long ago that engaging others would lead to a more fruitful…
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Sleeping, Working, and Leisuring
February 3, 2021Every year, the US Bureau of Labor Statistics surveys how Americans spend their time. The latest results are from the 2019 study. The chart below depicts average hours per day spent in selected activities in total and then for men…
Blog
People Don’t Care About Me (Why That’s Good News)
January 26, 2021A good chunk of my day is spent seeking out approval of others. It pains me (and is slightly embarrassing) to admit, but it’s the truth. Three examples: I do pushups and jog regularly - partially to clear my head and…
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“I’m right, you’re wrong”
January 19, 2021On a recent Sunday, while engaging in some early morning contemplation time, humor and laughter came to mind. I was reminded of a couple recent experiences I had related to the topic. First, I watched comedian Russell Howard interview Matthew McConaughey. In…
Blog
Performing or Living?
January 5, 2021Last August, Pete Hamill, the New York City journalist, novelist, essayist and editor died. Over the years, I had read several of his newspaper pieces and had always intended on reading some of his longer works. News of his death…
Blog
Dancing Through COVID
December 29, 2020https://youtu.be/Nb5nvN4iuvg The pandemic swept through the world with tragic consequences. Through the adversity and pain, emerged some normalcy, some joy. Watch MenLiving Board Member, Edward Gudas, his wife Laurie and daughters Kalina and Lainie dance and sing their way through…
Blog
I Love Awkward!
December 24, 2020Every Saturday, for years, I have read Peggy Noonan’s Declarations column in the Wall Street Journal. Last Saturday, Peggy was writing as always about politics, the country and not too surprisingly COVID and the vaccine. Towards the end of the…
Blog
Bow…then clean your closet
December 16, 2020Often, there’s a tape playing inside my head that says, “You’re not doing enough." This tape can continually run if I don’t stop and bring my awareness to it. Sometimes I’ll catch myself in these moments and either internally or by physically…
Blog
The GOAT and The Kiss
December 9, 2020I grew up outside of Boston, but I have now been in the Midwest for almost 20 years longer than I was in New England. And despite my move, I have maintained my allegiance to Boston’s sports franchises. A loyalty…
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Living Intentional
December 2, 2020“How was your day?” “Pretty good. How was yours?” Sound familiar? It does to me. Honestly, I get tired of hearing myself reply in that way with such regularity. Now, don’t get me wrong, “pretty good” is pretty good these days. My wife is asking me about my…
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Ruminating…
November 25, 2020I have been ruminating about our organization’s new name, MenLiving. As you can see, we eliminated the space between Men and Living to create the name and logo. My contemplation led me to wonder what if we added the space…
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MenLiving – same game, different name
November 17, 2020Back when I established my first “men’s group” in 2008, I personally invited a handful of men to join me in forming a thing I had little knowledge about, much less a plan for. Because they trusted me (I suppose) a…
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Heads You Win…?
November 10, 2020For years, I have been receiving Fortune’s daily email, TermSheet. TermSheet provides a summary of the previous day’s venture capital and private equity deals. A few weeks ago, I read this: Numan, a UK-based online health clinic for men just raised…
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“Don’t Know” Mind
November 3, 2020I am creating this post on Tuesday afternoon prior to polls closing. I was going to write about men’s health, but figured it would be a little numb not to share something that is born from an election that is…
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The Trials of a Rule Follower
October 20, 2020I continue to learn things about myself. At 47 yrs old, I’m sometimes surprised to find there’s more here to discover. This summer my family and I went to visit my parent home in Michigan. It just so happened that they were…
Blog
What is a “regular” guy?
October 7, 2020To start, this is a picture of my friend, Craig Dooley. He is a wonderful man. I texted him last night to let him know that I would be writing about him. I think he might be surprised by the…
Uncategorized
IMC Thursday 10-1-20
October 4, 2020https://vimeo.com/464768873 https://vimeo.com/464768749 https://vimeo.com/464768700 https://vimeo.com/464768498
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Creatively Yours
September 29, 2020There are at least as many ways in which parenting is wonderful as it is challenging. My kids teach me things almost daily (I’m guessing you can relate). Their wisdom catches me off guard sometimes and I’m stuck sitting there dumbfounded,…
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Vulnerability, Leadership, and Masculinity
September 22, 2020In recent days, we have witnessed a high profile microcosm of the struggle in which our men’s group and we have been engaged for nearly a decade. The arena was no less than the National Football League, the most popular…
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The Most Important Work You Can Do Right Now.
September 16, 2020A while back, I conducted an initial therapy session with a family: Mom, Dad and sixteen-year-old son. Let’s call him James. Mom and son sat on the couch, dad on an adjacent chair. The presenting issue was the son’s disrespect…
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You know what assuming does…
September 8, 2020As I was finishing up a run in the forest preserve yesterday I noticed an older woman walking with 2 plastic bags towards the woods. Wait, is that my neighbor from across the street? She was a ways away from me but…
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Am I going to start crying?
September 1, 2020Last night I was sitting alone on my back deck on a beautiful summer night and was a little beat down from a long week. I listened to some soft music (Natalie Merchant) and just sat there. I began thinking…
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Just Sitting
August 26, 2020I am 57 years old. Let’s say for the simplicity of round numbers, adulthood starts at 17. Therefore, I have been an “adult” for 40 years (damn!). For the first 30 of those adult years, I was a workaholic, mostly…
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Beauty or Utility?
August 18, 2020After I’m done with the workday, I generally go out for a stroll through the neighborhood to unwind, get some fresh air and move my bones. One of the things I enjoy doing on these walks is to check out…
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Honest Human Relationships
August 12, 2020About 3 or 4 years ago, I attended my first MenLiving meeting. Today, I am MenLiving’s Board President and a very involved day to day volunteer. But, honestly, I’m still not particularly comfortable with the concepts of traditional “men’s work,”…
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Everything is Possible
August 4, 2020I’m lying in bed at 4 o’clock am thinking of how things could have gone better in our Sales and Customer Service Coordination meeting today - that’s never a good thing…OR, could it be? I’m reminded of what this meeting is…
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Cry, of course!
July 29, 2020This past Saturday, to open up our Board of Directors' meeting for MenLiving, we checked-in with naming a man or men that inspire us or is part of the “why” we do this work. It happened to be a rather impromptu…
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Artistry and Play
July 22, 2020Do you consider yourself an artist? What is the first type of art that you hold yourself up against when trying to answer that question? Or, did you immediately answer “no”? If I weren’t asking the questions here, I would have probably answered…
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Dog Paddling
July 15, 2020Last week, I was hanging by the pool with my wife and 26 year old daughter when my daughter suggested we have a doggy paddle “competition.” I was reading a book at the time so wasn’t particularly interested. They weren’t…
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The Qualities of a Gentleman
July 1, 2020I wanted to share a blog post I wrote over 9 years ago. The point was and is not political. The point was and is aspirational. On February 15th, President Obama honored 15 individuals at the annual Presidential Medal of…
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Carrying Within
June 23, 2020Recently, spurred on by what’s been happening in this country since George Floyd’s death, we’ve been immersed in several discussions centered around systemic racism in this country and what impact that has on black and brown skinned people and all…
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Finding Harmony
June 10, 2020Breathe in… To live in a more harmonious world by deepening connections amongst men Breathe out… These prompts are reminders for me, as much if not more than, they are for anyone reading this. Between breaths is our vision for…
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A Tragic Death and the Memory of a Missed Opportunity
June 2, 2020By now you’ve hopefully heard the story of how George Floyd’s life ended. I am deeply saddened, angered and disappointed to learn of yet another black man’s life ending prematurely and in such a brutal and senseless way. He was murdered by…
Meet MenLiving
Life is Unfair
February 25, 2020I had a rather unusual Friday night. It was unusual because I was home all by myself. I had worked from home and my wife had taken the kids to an early evening "play date" after picking my oldest up…
Meet MenLiving
Meet MenLiving: MenLiving Co-Founders Todd Adams and Frank Naugo
December 19, 2019Meet the Tribe is an ongoing blog post providing more insight into the men who are members of our community. In our inaugural post, we introduce you to Shaun Emerson
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Disprove Your Story…by golly
November 18, 2019One of the great things for me about exercise, especially the kind that is somewhat monotonous, or rather, "trance-like" (as is the case with running) is how it allows my mind to move in ways it otherwise wouldn't. Both biking and running…
Meet MenLiving
Meet MenLiving: Shaun Emerson
November 5, 2019Meet the Tribe is an ongoing blog post providing more insight into the men who are members of our community. In our inaugural post, we introduce you to Shaun Emerson
Blog
Am I enough in this life?
October 16, 2019Am I enough in this life? Musings and contemplations to help me better understand myself and how I'm spending my time to make the best of this precious life.
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A Glimpse of Understanding
August 5, 2019I am visiting my brother who lives in Snoqualmie, WA which is about 30 minutes east of Seattle. After dropping off my 16-year-old daughter off for a lunch date, I had about an hour to kill so I decided to…
BlogNFP Stories
MenLiving 2.0 Update
April 24, 2019MenLiving men’s group is excited to announce its new status as a not for profit organization! The current group began February 2012 in Todd’s living room with a few others longing for authentic conversation and connection amongst men. Since that…
BlogNFP Stories
MenLiving Announces Not-For-Profit Status
April 12, 2019MenLiving men’s group is excited to announce its new status as a not-for-profit organization! The current group began February 2012 in Todd’s living room with a few others longing for authentic conversation and connection amongst men. Since that 1st meeting…
Blog
Response to the Gillette Commercial
January 15, 2019There’s a been quite a bit of on-line dialogue in the last 24 hours regarding the new Gillette commercial “We Believe: The Best Men Can Be” If you haven’t seen it, please take a look here. It’s been viewed over…
Blog
Don’t Give Your Wife A Break
September 6, 2018Yesterday a friend of mine was looking for support regarding an argument he recently had with his wife. The story he shared was similar to experiences I’ve had with my wife. “I worked in the backyard and cleaned out the…
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White Male Privilege & Toxic Masculinity
July 1, 2018“White male privilege” and “toxic masculinity” seems to be brought up now more than ever. Many men I know take offense to these terms. I don’t because I believe it’s true now and has been true for a very long…
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Wanted: White Men…
October 12, 2017…to step into the mature masculine. I define this as the capacity to be both strong and gentle, competitive and compassionate and the wisdom to know which energy to call on at any particular moment. Some men have recently criticized…
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Calling All Complacent White Straight Males
August 17, 2017I am complacent when it comes to the tragedies that fill up my newsfeed - Charlottesville and North Korea, just to name a few. When I hear bad news, I pause for a moment and think to myself, “I’m scared”…
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Straight men showing PDA?
April 10, 2017In this video, straight Dutch men are holding hands in public in response to the gay couple who were physically attacked for a public display of affection.... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ezPXzGtXhVc I find this powerful and moving, and I would love to see…
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Parental Amnesia
October 21, 2016The following is a short list off the top of my head of some personal bad decision making from my adolescence. @ 5 years old I played “doctor” with a girl neighbor across the street engaging in a session of…
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Don’t Be A Dick
October 19, 2016I struggle with the writing process. My mind works in the form of bullet points as opposed to long-form which is what prohibits me from saying what I want to say. But I feel I have ideas of value to…
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What is “Men’s Work?”
September 9, 2016I have been doing a weekly podcast with my wife Cathy called Zen Parenting Radio for the last 6 years. The podcast is not so much about parenting, instead it’s mostly about self-awareness. Typically it’s simply the two of us…
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11 Mistakes Your Marriage Needs You to Stop Making
August 17, 2016I’m 11 years into my marriage and I don’t pretend to be an expert. However, I know my foundation is solid and will endure the test of time. Mostly because when I screw up, I do my best to learn…
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Am I a Bad Dad? Am I a Bad Husband?
August 17, 2016I have been in an on-line debate with a few close friends of mine regarding whether or not men have the nurturing gene the way women do. I argue that I while I have the ability to do everything (less…
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Silence Is Not Golden
July 22, 2016I am a white straight male. I can wear a hoodie when I walk down the street. I feel safe because I live in an upper-middle class neighborhood. I don’t get judged because of my skin color. I don’t have…
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What Is Wrong And Right With This Video
January 5, 2016I posted a 53 second video yesterday morning on my Facebook page. It is of a little boy (maybe 3 years old) stroking, protecting, and caressing his newborn brother. That’s it. Big deal, right? Well the video has been viewed…
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Cubs- All The Way?
October 7, 2015Let’s get one thing straight- I am a White Sox fan. But on the eve of this Wildcard playoff game between the Cubs and the Pirates, I am 100% rooting for the North-siders. I have never subscribed to the idea…
