Self-Acceptance, Self-Love, Integrating All Parts of Myself

Author: Dan Silberberg

Carl Jung and Joseph Conrad are inextricably bound in “The Hero’s Journey”. For me, the “false self”, the mask I use to be lovable, to be acceptable to others, and to project myself into the world has been and continues to be a conscious part of my work. My ego wants to protect me, my critic wants to admonish me, the family system (constellation) put pressure on me, and the current polarization in our society wants me to be on the blue team or the red team, no exceptions. Yet, my conscious work is to tell my truth to my highest vision moment-by-moment without regard for what others might think of me.

My lived experience (phenomenological) is that when I hide parts of myself, when I deny my truth, when I fear what others think, I diminish the moment-by-moment opportunity to love myself, to accept all of me, and to become pure LOVE! What’s so funny about my efforts to hide, is the Universe brings people and experiences into my life that let me know this is my work, these are lessons to learn to move from fragmentation to wholeness.  So beautiful.

““Whatever is rejected from the self, appears in the world as an event”

I have many hero’s among the great thinkers throughout history and Carl Jung is one of them:

““We meet ourselves time and again in a thousand disguises on the path of life.”  If that weren’t enough to wake me up, he follows it up nicely:

” What you resist persists.”  This is certainly my experience. Until I integrate the fragments, the disowned parts of myself, the desire to not acknowledge my frailties, imperfections, and what I dislike about me, I move from wholeness and LOVE to denial, blame, obfuscation, deceit and lying.  OUCH There is no need to hide – it is counterintuitive that the more I express and show my true self, the more attractive, the more authentic, the more trustworthy I become.

I know that it’s only when I can bring my unconscious beliefs, behaviors, and actions into consciousness that I can transform. I can see my patterns and decide are they true to me or have they been embedded from early childhood. It is this moment that I can transform my life from one of reactivity to one of intention. Bringing this knowledge to consciousness is my path to having agency, being a powerful man, and moving ever closer to sovereignty.

How do I know and recognize the unconscious? It couldn’t be more obvious – when I feel my body and my emotions. When I am feeling insecure, or anxious, or not enough, or being judged, or not lovable or not worthy or not enough or too much or when I am trigged. This is when life hits me square between the eyes.  This is the signal I cherish. It is my opportunity for growth, for LOVE and ACCEPTANCE!

“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”

As a man, I am working everyday to be the very best version of myself. I am taking responsibility for the life I have. I know the life I have is exactly what I intended. No one else, no outside force has me in victimhood. From the existential perspective, my life is a movie screen.  I am the author, producer, director of my life.  I choose to invite people in or make a decision they are no longer a part of my life. No 3rd party talent finder. This is a huge responsibility to accept that I am my own creator – this is existential terror for many.

“Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darknesses of other people”

It is in the above that I can grow myself up, increase my compassion, my empathy, my deep understanding in others. To see their gifts and genius and light that maybe even they don’t see in themselves. In the deepest darkness of the underworld where doors present themselves, it is my courage to open them and see what hides behind them. By opening those doors, I have a chance for wholeness, redemption, and LOVE. The underworld is a scary place, it takes bravery and courage and a willingness to confront my TRUTH!

“I must also have a dark side if I am to be whole.”

I have been on this journey and still have more to discover. But one thing I believe with all my heart, it is taking this journey, healing myself that brings my inner child to life – it is not me the man who assumes the throne, it is my inner child in total love and acceptance who becomes fully sovereign and has earned the right to sit on the throne!

I hope you find your heart, I hope you accept and love every part of you, I hope you will know that all of you is to be loved, and accepted and cherished and valued.