by Dan Gathof
This is for those of you with a strong conscience and a high degree of thoughtfulness. As for the rest of you, go ahead and head back to your mirror.
So you just accepted a job and are invited to the Boss’ house for a holiday party with all of your new co-workers. You make the rounds introducing yourself, not knowing who are co-workers and who are spouses/significant others. While chatting with a younger, attractive couple, you ask “So how long have you two been together and where do you live?” After an extra-long pause, the woman replies “We are actually brother and sister, and we live here.”
We’ve all been there. In the middle of a conversation, we say something awkward or wish we could have phrased things differently. Instantly, we feel a pang of regret and begin to mentally kick ourselves. Our inner critic ramps up, and suddenly, we’re hyper-aware of how our audience is reacting. The discomfort sets in as that inner voice keeps replaying the moment.
Inner voice “Oh great, Hansel and Gretel are going to tell their old man about this. It was nice to know ye, new career!!”
When we say something inappropriate or awkward, our inner dialogue can be harsh and unforgiving. We replay the moment over and over, analyzing every detail. Did they notice? Do they think less of me now? Is this the end of the relationship? Self-consciousness builds, and we start to feel the weight of our perceived blunder. This self-criticism can make us feel isolated and anxious.
Inner voice “Dang-it, why didn’t I just ask them who they were and how they know each other?”
Adding to our discomfort is the reaction of others. Often, when we make an awkward comment, those around us clam up or take a moment before responding. This silence can feel like an eternity, intensifying our sense of awkwardness. We interpret their lack of response as judgment or disapproval, even if they’re simply unsure of how to proceed.
Inner voice “Why are they looking away? Why aren’t they saying anything? Are they even breathing? Am I breathing?!!”
We then file this exchange away with our insecurities, using it to fuel ruminations about the stupidity of the comment as well as possible approaches to resolve it. Should I pass it off as a joke? Act like I never said it? Apologize profusely? The mind spirals into a mental prison without a key.
Inner voice “A family marriage joke probably isn’t appropriate right now. Maybe I should ask them about the cheese and crackers or the chips and dips? No, those things are the brothers and sisters of snack food!! Arrrgghh!!!”
But in this mental prison, if we have the right approach, we can realize that we were never in the prison but outside of it looking in. We’re completely free to walk away.
Here are some simple strategies to free yourself from the mental loop the moment you make the awkward comment:
- Accept that the comment happened. Denying or overcompensating only makes things worse. Let yourself move on.
- If your comment was offensive, apologize immediately. A sincere, timely apology can defuse tension and show that you recognize and regret the mistake.
- Embrace the idea of free-falling through the moment. Don’t get stuck in self-criticism. Instead, move forward and continue the conversation naturally. Over-trying to fix it only adds to the awkwardness.
- Authenticity is your best tool. People appreciate genuineness and can often overlook minor slip-ups if you stay true to yourself.
- Redirect the conversation to a new topic or ask a question to engage others. This can help move the focus away from the awkward moment tosomething more comfortable.
Outer voice “I’m so sorry—I just started with the company, and I’m clearly off to a great start with introductions! My nerves must be showing. Any chance you’ll let me refill your drinks?”
The most important lesson in all of this is to be kind to yourself. Everyone has awkward moments. They are a natural part of human interaction. Remind yourself that mistakes are okay and they don’t define your worth.
I’ve picked up many of these concepts through mindfulness and don’t take credit for inventing them. But I’ve realized the power of using mindfulness as it relates to a job search and career growth and encourage you to explore those connections. Oftentimes, it’s our own minds that hold us back in the work world.
Hire Thought
Awkward moments in conversations, whether in the workplace, an interview or in social settings can feel like monumental blunders, but they don’t have to derail us. By learning to accept the moment, apologize if necessary, free-fall through it, and be ourselves, we can recover gracefully and continue to engage meaningfully. Remember, everyone experiences these moments; the key is not to let them dominate our self-perception. So, next time you find yourself in an awkward spot, take a deep breath, let it go, and begin again.
