What about the men?

For decades, my mornings have started with a review of the day’s papers: the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, and Chicago Tribune. Sadly, I’ve often awakened to reports of mass killings and acts of war. Journalists consistently highlight the tragic loss of women and children in these incidents, noting their deaths and injuries as an exclamation point on the horror. Yet, I can’t help but wonder: what about the men?

The death of women and children is undeniably tragic. Children’s lives are cut short before they’ve truly begun, and women—the so-called weaker sex—are struck down while defenseless. But what about the men? Are we numb to their deaths? While women and children are innocent victims, men also count among the casualties. Why is there such a disparity in our responses?

Men wage war, and over 95% of mass killings are committed by men. When men perish in these incidents, do we unconsciously believe they are getting what they deserve as the perpetrators of violence? Are we resigned to the idea that such outcomes are the consequences of being part of the “warrior” sex?

Many have theorized about the roots of male violence—nature, nurture, or societal conditioning that prizes toughness and aggression. My goal isn’t to excuse men’s brutality, but to shine a light on it. What is it about men that leads us to violence—acts that harm not only others, but ourselves as well? Men die by suicide and from deaths of despair at rates more than four times higher than women. Something is deeply wrong.

In recent years, much attention has been given to the struggles of boys and men. The data paints a bleak picture of a sex failing on many fronts. Given the destructive tendencies I just mentioned, it might be tempting to feel indifferent—maybe even think as stated above, “Men are getting what they deserve.” But really? What about the boys? The 15-year-old just trying to find his way? The men who are working to shed that conditioning? The answer has to be no. As hard as it may be, the answer has to be love and compassion. And, as strange as it might sound, we need to keep asking: What about the men?