Some Thoughts on Men Who Cry

by Todd Adams

Over the past few years, I’ve been on a journey of self-compassion, especially when it comes to expressing my emotions—especially sadness through tears. What I’ve discovered is that my ability to be gentle with myself allows me to be more emotional. It’s no coincidence that these two concepts are connected: self-compassion and emotional expression.

I am right now reflecting on an impactful father-daughter weekend that I just had, and I’m struck by how vulnerability was normalized. We had a a lot of fun and bonding, and there were just as many moments where men were moved to cry – not just in the safety of a circle of men, but even more profoundly, in front of the young women and girls. In a world where the alpha male archetype dominates, this weekend felt like a much needed shift, where tears were not only accepted; they were welcomed, and as far as I could tell, there was no judgment. In fact, I felt inspired watching these men allow themselves to fully experience and express their emotions. I even got choked up a few times myself, moved by the deep connections I witnessed between fathers and daughters.

Just last week, I saw Gus Walz crying tears of joy as he watched his father on stage at the Democratic National Convention. It was a powerful moment, one that broke through the confines of the “manbox” society tries to keep us in. Initially, social media reacted predictably, with some mocking him as another example of America’s supposed “sissification.” But when they learned he was neurodiverse, the criticism softened, as if his neurodiversity somehow justified his tears. This reaction left me puzzled. Why should his neurodiversity even be part of the conversation? Would he be any less of a man if he were “typical” and still cried?

In my work coaching men, I’ve found that the greatest challenge men often face is a stunted emotional intelligence. Society tells boys from a young age that they shouldn’t cry, and as they grow, they begin to armor themselves. Yet, research shows that as toddlers, boys are often more emotionally expressive than girls. But somewhere along the line, they’re taught to suppress those emotions, to hide their vulnerability behind a tough exterior.

To the men reading this, think about the people who truly inspire you. I’m willing to bet it’s not the stoic alpha male who never lets his guard down. More likely, it’s the man who knows when to be strong and when to let his guard down, who can connect deeply and authentically with those around him, making them feel seen and valued.

And to the women, if you struggle to invite vulnerability from the men in your life, remember that inside every man is a little boy longing for love and acceptance. Your compassion and understanding can help break down the barriers society has built around his heart.