A dinger of a story from Paris this week “Olympics pole vaulter’s manhood mishap costs him medal chance…” Normally I don’t bite on such clickbait titles, but there were so many other headlines on the same topic that I needed to peek behind the curtain to see what all the hubbub was about.
The story is that a French pole vaulter in the preliminaries had a final attempt to clear a height that would put him in the finals. However, his “manhood” made contact with the bar, causing it to fall and thus ending his Olympic medal bid. For people fond of penis humor, I’m sure this story stood out.
What it raised for me is how manhood, or ego, gets in the way of success in both recruiting and one’s career. I contemplated some hard questions such as “How much does ego influence career choices and professional behavior?, “Do people still feel pressure to display confidence or hide vulnerability at work to fit in?” and “Do people continue to strive for roles that are more about status than personal fulfillment? All of this led to “Are people even aware of where ego gets in their way?”
A number of years ago, I was planning to meet with a CEO about some of his senior-level needs and was being “coached” by the CHRO on how to conduct the meeting. “Peter needs to be sold – he likes people with strong convictions and confidence.” I explained to the CHRO that recruiting is only slightly about confidence and that there are risks and uncertainties in every search that I conduct. I further explained that I had depth of experience in their industry sector as well as a market-leading track record of filling searches. So I felt like I was in a really good position to address their needs.
Not good enough. Not bold enough. It was clear in speaking with the CHRO that my pitch to the CEO needed to edge on brashness, cockiness, and arrogance. Expertise and approach didn’t seem to matter much to this company. I was left in a pickle on how to proceed – do I go all macho to win the opportunity or do I resist the urge to let my ego win the day?
I told the CHRO that I couldn’t go the arrogant route – it’s not who I am and I’ve never competed on the basis of empty boasts. I stated that my style and track record are at the root of my story and that I’m comfortable if his team needs to go a different direction based on this.
I held to my principles in the meeting with the CEO. The CHRO was also present in the meeting and took it upon himself to sell me to the CEO since it was clear from the start that I wasn’t a card-carrying member of the testosterone club. It was a bizarre situation all around but it helped reinforce how manhood and ego still prevail in the work world. More importantly, it highlighted how I need to communicate in ways that align with my style and values.
But it’s not just me who is dealing with this dynamic of ego in the work world. Almost daily I hear and directly see examples of manhood/ego getting in the way of decision making as it relates to recruiting and careers:
- Salary Obsession – There are so many candidates who only want to know how much a job pays before progressing.
- Power Dynamics – Senior individuals still make inappropriate jokes with the new hire in order to establish power dynamics.
- Defensiveness – Performance critiques are often seen as personal affronts rather than developmental suggestions.
- Stubbornness – Many executives are unwilling to budge on their points of view for fear of being viewed as weak.
For those complaining that the cultural pendulum has swung too far, let’s recognize that the starting point wasn’t all that great.
Old norms of hierarchy and ego are clashing with new norms of inclusion and compassion. This conflict, in part, is causing many people (mainly men) to flat out leave the workforce. In other words, some are not adapting from their machismo upbringings into the current work culture. This is not to say that these individuals are solely at fault; the cultural shift can be challenging for many. But I wonder if the exit is partly due to manhood getting in the way?
Maybe we can reverse this trend by starting to think about things differently. Here are a few examples:
- Rethink “Female” Professions – Historically men have avoided entering fields like nursing, teaching, and social work because these professions are stereotypically viewed as “female” roles. However, these fields offer rewarding and essential careers that are open to all.
- De-emphasis Leadership Titles – Men often feel pressured to seek out leadership or high-status positions rather than support, managerial or administrative roles. There is nobility in doing any type of honest work.
- Lose the Arrogance – In an effort to appear confident and competent, some men may come off as arrogant or dismissive. Recognizing that arrogance can be a mask for insecurity can lead to more genuine and effective communication.
- Be open to Career Changes – The fear of failure and damage to one’s ego can prevent men from making career changes, even when they are unhappy or unfulfilled in their current roles. Embracing flexibility can lead to more satisfying career paths.
- Factor Passion and Competency into Career Decisions – Many men choose careers in high-status fields such as finance, law, or business over careers in the arts, education, or social services, despite having a passion for the latter. Pursuing one’s passion can lead to greater job satisfaction and personal fulfillment.
- Prioritize Job Satisfaction – Men may prioritize high-paying jobs to conform to traditional expectations of being the primary breadwinner. This can result in accepting positions with poor work-life balance, high stress, and limited job satisfaction. Finding a balance that works for the individual and their family can lead to a more fulfilling life.
The point of all of this is that we all may benefit from paying closer attention to the bulges that are getting in our way to success.
Hire Thought…Traditional notions of manhood and ego can drive people to make career decisions that are not in their best interest or to behave in unauthentic ways during interview cycles. Addressing these issues requires challenging societal stereotypes, promoting diverse role models, and encouraging people to pursue careers that align with their passions and strengths, regardless of gender expectations. Ask yourself “Where is ego creating a barrier for me?”
For the French athlete, his pole fault cost him success. There is wisdom in this for all of us.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Dan. The analogy with Ammirati is illustrative, timely, and memorable. I couldn’t agree more that bulging egos can get in the way of living happier, healthier lives.
A few lines in the article caught my eye, though. I read them as suggesting a slightly different story.
* “… I wasn’t a card-carrying member of the testosterone club. It was a bizarre situation all around but it helped reinforce how manhood and ego still prevail in the work world.”
* “Almost daily I hear and directly see examples of manhood/ego getting in the way of decision making … .”
* “But I wonder if the exit is partly due to manhood getting in the way?”
These lines appear to associate inflated egos and “toxic masculinity” with manhood itself. The apparent conflation can imply that manhood, masculinity, and testosterone are *themselves* problematic. That’s certainly not my view.
Am I misreading the message here?
Hi Michael, thanks for sharing your thoughts on the blog post. I appreciate your feedback and the opportunity to clarify the message I intended to convey.
First and foremost, I want to assure you that I didn’t mean to imply that manhood, masculinity, or testosterone are inherently problematic. My intention was to highlight how certain cultural norms, traditional expectations, and outdated ways of thinking can sometimes create barriers to success in our careers. In reading your reply, I recognize that I could have done a much better job with my word choices and explanations.
When I referred to “manhood” or “ego,” I was pointing to the pressures many of us feel to conform to certain societal standards—standards that can sometimes push us towards decisions or behaviors that may not be in our best interest. The point I hoped to make was that by becoming more aware of these influences, we can make more authentic, fulfilling choices that align with our true values and strengths.
My goal was to raise the question “are we aware of our own barriers to success?” In retrospect, I should not have tied any of this to genetics, gender, or past cultural norms that may still exist. I simply thought that the Olympic story was entertaining and used that as a loose reference to raise the topic of awareness and our own mental barriers.
I’m grateful that you brought this up, as it allows for a richer discussion on how we can all better navigate the complexities of our identities in the workplace. My goal is to encourage self-reflection and awareness, not to criticize or diminish the importance of masculinity. In fact, I believe that by understanding and addressing these pressures, we can all, regardless of gender, create more inclusive and supportive work environments while also enriching our own career paths.
Thank you again for engaging with the post, and I welcome any further thoughts you or others might have on this topic.
Thanks for the clarification, Dan. Much appreciated.