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So………. I have been debating whether to post about what was going on for a few days this week.

On the one hand I feel reluctant, on the other keen to share.

Reluctant? Yeah!

I talk and do stuff I dont hear anyone else talk about and I wonder if I come across as some sort of weirdo?

Keen to share? Yeah, this is stuff that has healed me over the years.

Oh well throw caution to the winds, perhaps I am a weirdo lol.

Early in the week I started experiencing very powerful feelings of grief.

Not the kind of feeling you push down. It appeared to be coming from aged four.  The little kid was feeling unloved, unsupported, and disconnected.

The first four times these feelings came up I experienced terror.

What happened was each time they surfaced, I experienced all the work I had done, and the very fabric of my personality having the ground cut out from underneath me. I was free falling……down, down, down!

The cure to that was stay with the feeling all the way down.

I know full well that whatever I run from will persist.

So, I went within and found the four-year-old. I held him and told him I would always be there and never let him fall. I did some crying with him.

Two days later I get a strong sense that this work is not really producing the results I expect.

I get worried! This has worked well in the past.

Am I now experiencing some new mental aberration which will require therapy???

A few hours I get my “aha” moment.

It is not the four-year-old kid that is hurting and needs help!

It is my 75-year-old kid.

I have been socially isolated for years, locally.

My typical response has been,” oh well that is how it is. Deal with it.”

It always seemed too big an issue for me to change.

Now that is pretty much victim mentality.

On Monday I will be going down to the local “Men’s Shed. “

There are all sorts of activities I could participate in. There is volunteer work as well.

I also made online enquiries about a local Men’s group.

I have made the decision that change needs to occur, and it will.

So! Four days of growth work. I entered reasonably sure I knew how to proceed.

I found out different. I am so glad though.

I am proud of the fact that I was prepared to deal with the grief.  I was even prouder of the fact that I dealt with the terror of my personality free falling.

I also answered the question, “Do I need to do more therapy?”

The answer was a resounding yes!

Would I have to troll through lists of therapists hoping by luck to strike the right one?


I already know the best therapist around. It’s Me 🙂.

I am totally straight with myself. I am kind, compassionate and have great insights.

I never shirk doing the hard yards.

It did take me three days to find out what the real language of the grief was.

“Heal your adult. You have done the work on the four-year-old.”

So, as I sit here listening to music on my Sennheiser phones, I have a sense of pride and accomplishment.

I have done this type of work over the last forty years and I and I have become radically more proficient as time has gone by. I never run from the work, and I always carry out what I have been taught by sitting with pain or discomfort.

I am delighted that I have finally decided to do something about my long-term social isolation.

Who knows where this might lead? 🙂

May you all be well, may you all be happy, may you all be free from suffering!


  • Harry Hitzeman says:

    That’s great, Martin! You will find other men to connect with in person, because you are f-ing awesome! And you are already connecting on MenLiving zooms and email. Hoping to hear more from you in our next e-meeting together.

  • martin mcleish says:

    Harry you are a star………and a good friend 🙂

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