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These days, it feels like we’re racing to prove which sex has it harder—males or females. On any given day, the media serves up plenty of fodder to feed the debate. Boys are struggling in school. No, girls are struggling in school. Boys have ADD and ADHD. Girls have ADD and ADHD. Boys battle body dysmorphia. Girls face eating disorders. Boys are anxious, depressed, and lonely. Girls are anxious, depressed, and lonely. Young men are stuck in their parents’ basements, gorging on gummies and gaming. Young women are fighting off the lecherous men who escaped their parents’ basement. Men aren’t going to college or participating in the economy. Women are going to college, working hard, but are harassed, paid less, and blocked by the old guys at the top. Old guys cling desperately to their power. Old women are desperately menopausal. Retired old men lose their identity, grow isolated, and face alarming suicide rates. Old women fight to stay relevant.

Yikes!

For the most part, I think all the above is true. So, rather than fighting about who has it worse, males or females, can we all agree that being a human being is challenging?? I propose the default human condition is chaos. Wired for survival from birth, our fight to survive is as much a fight with ourselves as it is with everything else around us.

Hear me out.

Over a decade ago, I read the Yoga Sutras (some of you are eye-rolling with the mention of yoga. Easy). Patanjali, the Sutras’ author, offered a prescription for quieting the mind, not silencing it (impossible!), but easing the relentless chatter we all develop. You know the chatter I’m talking about, right? I found it fascinating that, thousands of years ago, this guy pinpointed our human condition and proposed a way to manage it.

Fast-forward to a 2005 National Science Foundation report (questionable reliability, but it works for my case 🤷‍♂️) that estimates we have 12,000–60,000 thoughts a day, 95% of them repetitive and 80% negative. That tracks with Patanjali’s idea that our minds can be our worst enemies.

And then there’s the body. Aging, changing, full of shifting hormones and chemical chaos. I recently read that genetic mutations begin at the very first cell division. By middle age, most of our 30 trillion cells have thousands of genetic errors. Yet, as cancer biologist Phil H. Jones put it, “The minor miracle is, we all keep going so well.”

Now add nurture, societal expectations, education, and technology to the mix. Oh boy!

So, what do we do?

First, let’s recognize that despite all this, life is amazing. We’re freaking miracles, each of us. Second, can we stop arguing about who has it worse? We share a common humanity. Sure, let’s figure some stuff out in our male and female circles, but then let’s come together. Lastly, we could listen to wise voices like Patanjali, who offer insights on navigating this wild ride called a human life.

Who has it worse? It’s the wrong question.

4 Comments

  • Mike says:

    Shaun–thank you for again making me slow down, think, and consider. Funny adn coinuicdental you use the word ‘chaos’. I was rowing this morning, it was intended to be very challenging and it was, and the instructor said something to the effect of staying focused through and despite the (physical) chaos. There’s more reflection for me around all of this. Thank You!!

    • Shaun Emerson says:

      Thanks for reading, Mike! Appreciating the chaos can take us a long way. And of course your rowing was very challenging. You wouldn’t have it any other way!

  • Jed Diamond says:

    Shaun,
    Nice piece of writing, very relevant to what I experience in my life these days. Finding the quiet place within to accept ourselves and each other as fellow humans with “monkey-minds” at times, but ways we can calm ourselves, feel the peace within the chaos, and connect with our fellow beings on this amazing life journey.

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