by Jim Herbert
I’m freshly returned from the MenLiving Midwest Advance and I am feeling all the feels. To say that the experience was profound would be an understatement of epic proportions. I had the honor of serving on the leadership team, but I must say that I wound up receiving WAY more from my own individual experiences than I had to give in my role as a part of the team.
It all started upon arrival as a few of us on the team got to the camp early to get set up. I asked our weekend leader Frank Naugo if I could have the honor of building the first fire. Fire would become an important theme for me as the weekend evolved, but it was that first fire that cracked me open to the spiritual experience that would unfold in the days ahead.
Today is my father’s 98th birthday. Even though he’s been out of his body for 28 years now, his spirit walks with me every day. On the first day of the Midwest Advance, he showed up in Spirit to help me build the ceremonial fire, in a way that only he could show up and build.
My dad was a very precise man in every way. In his high school yearbook, the caption next to his name was, “More British than the Brits.” No truer words have ever been written about my father. He was proper, polite, fastidious, and precise. Behind that surface layer though was a man with fire in his heart who felt the world big and he modeled that by openly showing his emotions. It was my dad’s precision and to me even his perfectionism, that showed up in the way he built a log fire.
My childhood home had a fantastic wood-burning fireplace. From the time I was a young boy, I would watch my dad build a fire almost every evening in the winter, waiting for the day he would finally ask me to help. When I was old enough to be trusted with matches around the age of eight or nine, my dad officially taught me all the steps, even though I already had them memorized just by watching him:
- Crumble up the newspaper into tight little balls
- Line them up in neat rows until the fire grate was packed full of paper from side to side and front to back
- Place small pieces of dry kindling wood on top of the paper all in one direction, parallel and to each other
- Line up small logs on top of the kindling at a 90-degree angle to the kindling wood
- Place one larger log across the smaller logs at an angle
- Triple-check to make sure the chimney flue is open even though you have already checked it multiple times
- Crack a window to be sure a draft occurs that forces the smoke to go up the chimney instead of into the room
- Light the match
- From the bottom, ignite the paper starting in the back of the fire grate and move to the front
- Enjoy the magic!
I hadn’t built a fire in a fireplace for more than 20 years prior to the Midwest Advance, so I took my time on that first day and built that first fire as precisely as my father would have. It was a beautiful, grounding and emotional experience for me as if he was there watching me, which of course he was just like he always is.
When I shared the story about my dad and the fireplace with one of the other men later that day, he told me that he had never learned how to build a proper fire and asked me if I would teach him the next morning. What a thoughtful, kind, and intentional gift that man gave me. I’m grateful.
So the next morning, I channeled my father and taught that man how to build a fire exactly the way my father taught me. We laughed about my dad’s teaching talents and his precision. We both took notice of how I seemed to be channeling my father’s voice. I cried a few more of what would be many healing tears that weekend and I felt all the feels, just like Dad.
Later that night after everyone had gone to bed, I tossed a couple more logs on the fire and sat in silence by myself, glaring into the dancing flames and listening to the cracks and pops. Spirit’s presence was with me and I got yet another special message, this time not from my father, but from another very important person in my life who lives on the other side of the veil with my dad.
I did some writing around that experience as well, but I’m not quite ready to share it yet. Stay tuned, part two of the story will come at some point down the road, but for now, here are my three invitations to you.
- Stay curious about all the possibilities in You never know when you are an instant away from a profound experience
- Look for Spirit’s presence everywhere in your daily life, especially when you feel like you need it the most
- Go on a MenLiving Advance! The fire it lights inside you may spark the change you have been waiting for your whole life.
If you would like to follow my writing beyond the MenLiving Blog, you can check out my website and you can see my past, present, and future posts. And if you ever want to learn to build the perfect, shoot me a message and we’ll find a time and place to make that connection, even if we have to wait until next year’s Midwest Advance to make it happen. Thanks for reading. Peace and blessings, Jim.
Jim Herbert
Facilitation Lead • Facilitator
Jim is founder and director of The MindSmith Academy, a platform for mindset work, mindfulness training, and self-development. His method of doing the work is spiritual, but not tied to any specific tradition. With three decades of experience teaching yoga, martial arts, and meditation, he brings mindfulness into every aspect of his life’s journey.
As ever, you honor us with your lovely words. Thank you for building that first fire this past weekend and helping to light a fire in each man that joined us on the Advance. With Love, Frank
Jim,
Your relationship and connection to your father through the fire touches me, especially as I consider the physical distance between myself and my three precious children. I’ve built fires with them. I think I’ll try to revisit & unearth those memories for us all on our next FaceTime call. Thank you for sharing those special moments you’ve had with your dad. With gratitude, John.
Jim,
Your relationship and connection to your father through the fire touches me, especially as I consider the physical distance between myself and my three precious children. I’ve built fires with them. I think I’ll try to revisit & unearth those memories for us all on our next FaceTime call. Thank you for sharing those special moments you’ve had with your dad. With gratitude, John.