Aging can be challenging — physically, emotionally, and relationally. The concept of a midlife crisis points to the fact that, at this time of life, we often start to look differently at ourselves, our relationships and our lives. We look less for what validates our egos, and more for what gives life purpose, meaning and enjoyment.
What’s often missing from the midlife crisis story is what I call the real story — the truth of someone’s heart and deepest desires. As a dating and relationship coaching for the past 20 years, specializing in supporting men, I see that as men get older, complexities emerge. Men tell me that while intimacy had often focused on physical touch, they now want emotional connection too. But they don’t always know how to get it.
It can be confusing, even terrifying, for the men who come to me. But as we open the door to their sovereignty and self-love, they find incredible freedom — The freedom to let go of a woman’s upsets being your fault. The freedom to express your needs and desires, without shame or guilt. The freedom to speak about your pain, rather than holding it alone.
The result is extraordinary, because you can stop trying to prove your own worth or make others happy. You can put down the masks and facades, the need to be the rock or the hero. You can be honest about your humanity, and create deeper intimacy, where you’re met, supported and loved. And with this as the foundation, sexual intimacy can spark, and has the fire to stay alive, for as long as you live.
This stage is an initiation into what most of us couldn’t have experienced when we were young. Because the best love and sex of your life is not about being attractive or your body working optimally. It’s about the intimacy of being known, loved and expressed. With sex as an example, it’s not about new positions or skills, it’s about finding and co-creating new ways to feel pleasure and connection together. It’s about letting go of what you should do or like, or who you should be for someone else, as you discover yourself and what kind of connection you want.
Your body can even become a super conductor for connection and pleasure at this age. In my book, Honest Sex, I write about four dimensional sex, as compared to one dimensional sex. Sadly, many people never experience 4D sex, which builds on the physical by adding energetic, emotional, spiritual components, and the capacity to feel what your partner feels, as they feel it. This kind of loving and pleasurable experience is almost impossible to describe in words, but it’s bonding, healing, and exhilarating. It grows and opens you, amplifying pleasure and connection for the rest of your life.
If this excites you, or you’re curious what it would be like to have your heart and body intimately known and deeply listened to, check out my book: Honest Sex: A Passionate Path to Deepen Connection and Keep Relationships Alive. You can get it for free here. Whether you’re dating, or have been in a relationship for decades, you’ll find new ways to connect and create the best love and sex of your life.
