My Wife Asked Me to Watch Heated Rivalry

by Todd Adams

My wife doesn’t often make these types of requests. She’s kind of amazing in that way, she gives me plenty of space to be me, so when she sat me down and asked me to watch a show called Heated Rivalry, I said yes. Not because I was dying to see it, but because I love her.

My “rational” side immediately started building a case against it. I told myself I barely have enough time to keep up with the shows I’m excited about, so why would I spend my limited downtime on something I have zero interest in? I went into it with my guard up, convinced I was just doing her a favor.

The show follows two elite hockey players named Shane and Ilya who are rising through the Major League Hockey (MLH) ranks. As a sports fan, the hockey element was helpful and gave me something that I already enjoyed watching.

As a straight man who grew up in a culture where homophobia was all around us, I haven’t watched a lot of movies or TV that depicts men having sex with one another. When the show started, my internal dialogue was somewhere between initially uncomfortable or maybe just unfamiliar.

But then, of course, I remembered one of the five MenLiving Suggestions: Live Curiously.

Instead of deciding what the show was before I even saw it, I decided to lean in. I stopped focusing on my own baggage and just focused on the characters. The discomfort faded, and this relationship became typical, relatable. I stopped seeing a “gay show” and instead saw a beautiful, vulnerable, and even funny, love story.

After we finished, my wife and I sat together and talked about the sweetness of it all. We laughed at the funny things Illya says, and at the back-and-forth between Shane and Illya that sometimes felt sad or guarded, but at other times vulnerable and brave.

It reminded me of the movie Boyhood. I kept waiting for the “Hollywood” moment, the betrayal or the tragic accident, but it never came. This show was just a rewarding perspective on real life, a look inside other people’s experience with love and ultimately self-awareness. It’s also filmed really beautifully, cut together really interestingly. There’s a lot to notice if we are willing to look.

I want to invite the guys out there who might normally skip a show like this to give it a chance, especially if you have a partner or friends who really love it. Instead of deciding it’s not for you, or assuming everyone is just jumping on a pop-culture bandwagon, watch it for yourself and see what people are responding to. Use it as a chance to practice our second of the 5 ML Suggestions– Living Curiously.  Sometimes what makes us uncomfortable at first is what reminds us that we are all navigating the same things.

Cathy and Todd recently did a podcast on this series and can be found @ Why Heated Rivalry Matters- Episode #852