by Brad Golphenee
There is a relationship, and inherent tension, between these two terms. Being accepted means having others see you, get you, and to acknowledge this is who you are right now. It is having others understand your world through empathy and compassion without needing to change it. Transitioning from feeling accepted to accepting others is important to note. Accepting the world, and those in it, is a mirror reflection of feeling accepted. It is having an acute perception of reality and embracing this without the need to change it. It is being with what you see and feel.
The opposite is also true. For someone that does not feel accepted, it is difficult to look around and to accept others. Have you ever felt in your life the energetic message of, “I love you but I wish you were different?” This message, unfortunately, is broadcast often to those we love. Even if it stems out of love, it can come across as critical and over time can strip someone down to their core. This can also result in a critical mindset, one that can come across as counter to anything that is stated by others. I say, “Look at that big beautiful blue sky!” and you say, “Actually I see lots of white in the sky.” This is not in service of greater acceptance and not in service of healthy change. It is the byproduct of having an overactive change mindset where everything, and everyone, in the world needs to be inherently different.
Imagine, for a moment, that everyone in your life was wearing a T shirt that said, “I accept you fully.” In addition, their eyes reflected this statement in really seeing and appreciating who you are. Imagine this level of pure acceptance from everyone. Masks drop to the floor, body softens, breath gets fuller, and when you look around the world looks different. We all have a core basic need to be seen and accepted, feel what this would be like in magnified pure form. Embrace the vision of feeling fully seen and accepted by everyone you encounter, all the time.
This vision validates an internal thought; I am exactly where I need to be right now and I am happy with who I am. The practice of radical self-acceptance is difficult, and it requires sourcing from within rather than sourcing from external broadcasts.
Now consider our drive and cultural messaging for change. Everything around us is spinning with change each day. Yes, the rate of change with technology, AI, media, politics, business, and virtual reality is more than the human body is designed to absorb. In addition, bookshelves stack up with self help books, retreat centers line up personal health workshops, coaching & therapy are at an all time high, and the constant message is to strive for more, be better, lead others, follow a new path, show up differently, and embrace change! And as this message is streaming into our brains and bodies, there is a constant tug to our nervous system that says, “I need to be different to get my needs met in life and to be happy.” Feel the tension of this broadcast, 24 hours a day, every day.
The drive for change, change, change leaves little room for real self-acceptance. So where is the balance point?
With what I know of regulation and getting into our bodies, it requires a pause, slowing down, and inwardly connecting. With everything spinning around us at the speed of sound, learning how to slow down and feel ourselves is crucial. There are different methods for doing this which include using breath, movement, meditation, grounding, external / internal orienting, etc.
Now back to the balance point. First, there is nothing wrong with change. We will change and evolve with time, whether unconsciously or consciously. When we change with intention there is a benefit to us, and everyone around us. Second, everyone is conditioned in their own unique way to have a relationship with acceptance. This relationship will need to be confronted, and maybe renegotiated.
If we can truly accept ourselves in the moment, “I am right where I need to be right now and I accept that my life circumstances have brought me to this moment,” then we can imagine our best and highest future. Here, we enter into the field of possibility and explore. What is possible? In this field we can grab on to anything and everything possible, and set an intention for deep change. Along this course, it will be important to pause and accept progress made and challenges faced. Along this journey there will be moments of tight constriction to where it feels hard to take a breath. There will be moments of massive expansion where the body vibrates at heights of pure elation. There will be moments of still waters and slow progress. Accept it all. Be with it all. And know that every moment, every step, each stage, has a purpose.
The relationship between acceptance and change is directly linked to how we will evolve. How we evolve is linked to how we live. This is your theater, play the best you possible and have fun with it! We are all cast in the perfect comedy after all.
