Hitting Life Softer

by Jim Herbert

I have had numerous moments in my life when I have been provided the opportunity to recognize a younger version of myself in another person’s actions or behaviors. Sometimes I recognize things that I like about my younger self in other people and sometimes it can make me cringe a bit. Either way, it is always an opportunity for tremendous personal growth through focused self-examination. Do you ever feel like you’ve just met a younger version of yourself? When I do, I like to stay curious and see what I can learn.

Case in point, I remember an interaction about a couple of years ago at the health club when I was lightly hitting the heavy bag after a cardio workout and lifting session. I often do low impact punching, kicking and martial arts forms to wind down my workouts. As I was hitting the bag a young man came up and tapped me on the shoulder. At first I thought he was going to ask me how much longer I was going to be so he could get a turn, but instead he started to instruct me on how I should turn my hips more powerfully in order to strike the bag harder. He then proceeded to aggressively hit the bag repeatedly before stepping away and saying, “Do you see how much more powerful it is when you put your whole body into the punch?”

His technique was indeed powerful and clean. He also had a pleasant demeanor and a polite body language overall. My mind quickly reviewed and sorted out the many different ways I might respond to his unsolicited feedback. I held the silence for a few seconds longer than normal as I looked into his eyes, contemplated my options and then simply said, “Thank you for taking the time to share your observations. It’s kind of you to want to help me.”

I left it at that with the hopes that he would feel seen and heard, but would at the same time disengage from our interaction so I could finish up my cool down. In what I can only label as “his youthful exuberance” he instead continued by telling me that he had been training in MMA for a few years and that he had learned a lot about how to maximize his power so he could hit harder with less effort. Once again I paused and looked into his eyes. This time before speaking further I asked him his name. I then introduced myself, called him by his own name and said, “At this stage in life if I’m not looking to hit anything in life harder. In fact I’ve spent the majority of my effort over the last few years trying to learn to hit life softer.”

I could tell by his inquisitive look that what I just said caused him to consider a perspective that he had not previously entertained. I decided to continue by telling him that when I was a young martial artist, I too wanted to maximize the power of my physical body, but that thirty years later at age sixty, the practice has become more of an internal art.

He looked at me and said, “You practice martial arts?”

I told him a little bit about the path I have traveled over the years after which he said, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to intrude. I was only trying to help.” I replied by saying, “And you did help. You came to me with good intentions and shared an observation about something you are passionate about. I in turn am hoping that I was able to help you think about how you might approach a similar situation in the future.” We shook hands. As a show of mutual respect we bowed to each other and then went about our days.

As I returned to my cool down and gently hit the heavy bag, I realized that when I was a younger martial artist, I too had a strong desire to share my knowledge, and in doing so at times did it in a demonstrative way. Knowledge can be collected quickly with intense study and hard effort. Wisdom on the other hand takes time to take root and does so best when confidence and humility find the confluence on the path of life. I’m grateful for the lessons I learned from many teachers in this lifetime and I look forward to all the future lessons I have yet to learn from the many teachers of all ages I will meet on the path ahead.