Cathy handed me her phone and said, “Watch this.”
It was a highlight (if you want to watch it start @ the 1:10 mark) from a recent Dodgers/Padres game, and Shohei Ohtani had just been hit by a pitch—up and in, the kind of pitch that could’ve easily tagged his head or face. Instead, he turned his body just in time and took it in the shoulder.
That pitch was dangerous, and in today’s baseball climate, it wasn’t an isolated incident. Between their last two series, the Padres and Dodgers had hit 10 batters. Baseball has an unwritten rule: you hit our guy, we’ll hit yours. What often follows is predictable, benches clear, tempers flare, and fists sometimes fly.
In that moment, Ohtani had choices:
- He could’ve yelled, charged the mound, escalated.
- He could’ve made sure his pitcher got “even” the next inning.
But he didn’t.
Instead, Ohtani turned to his own dugout, where teammates were already on the top step, ready to rumble in his defense and he waved them off. He told them to stay put. Then he walked toward the Padres dugout with a calm smile and shook hands with an opposing player. He chose to de-escalate. He let go of the rope.
I turned to Cathy and said, “That was incredible.”
“Why?” she asked.
“Because guys don’t do that,” I replied.
And I meant it.
As a lifelong baseball fan, I’ve seen hundreds of these moments and almost every time, anger wins. Retaliation wins. There’s this idea that to protect your team, your ego, or your manhood, you’ve got to fight back. Hurt them before they hurt you again.
But Ohtani showed us there’s another way.
In my office, I keep a sketch of a man in a tug-of-war, but he’s letting go of the rope. Not losing, but choosing. Because you can’t keep pulling if one side refuses to grip.
This is what I share with men in coaching sessions or MenLiving meetings when conflict with a partner or loved one comes up: You can let go of the rope. You don’t have to play the game of escalation, who’s right and who’s tougher. That game has no winner. (Middle East conflict, anyone?)
What Ohtani did flies in the face of the Man Box, that narrow set of rules that tells men we must be dominant, emotionless, aggressive. That the only response to vulnerability or threat is strength, control, and power. Ohtani broke that code and showed strength through restraint, leadership through calm, dignity through peace.
We need more of that. More men who realize that strength isn’t about pulling harder, but about demonstrating leadership through de-escalation and knowing when to let go.
Love this post. Thanks Todd!
Enjoyed this Todd. I’ll have to watch the Ohtani highlight. Your Sox took 2 of 3 from my Jays in Toronto lol
That’s a great story. Thanks for sharing Todd…
Todd,
This is Aikido philosophy in action. “The way of harmonizing energies”. Well done Shohei Ohtani! He neutralized the potential negative energy of the situation. Brilliant move.
Nice piece and good food for thought, from a fellow lifelong baseball fan. Reminds me of “taking my sails out of their wind” which has been beneficial in my life.
Picking your battles? is an expression that comes up for me. Just days ago I tried to life lesson my 10-year-old son in a 7-11/filling station after midnight in Brooklyn. Long & short of it was, “Son, your living here now and you’re likely to see a lot of what we just saw inside at the cash register at all hours of the day, not just these midnight hours: people perceiving or actually being mistreated and then, sometimes, asserting themselves with verbal violence that cross into your personal space. I really wanted to say something to this person Sterling because, however right they MIGHT have been, they were disrespecting me, you and all the other patrons in the store. . I wanted to engage, boy, but when someone is THAT angry, you can really end up opening a basket of vipers. You’re gonna have to practice just ‘letting things go.’ Still there WILL be moments when YOU have to assert YOURSELF and let others know where YOUR boundaries are.”
“Like 9/11,” he responds, somewhat to my surprise — we visited One World Trade Center & the Memorial Fountains earlier that day.
“Kinda sorta,” I say. “That’s a complex discussion we’ll have later.”
So, the point here and maybe my question or prompt here is that the boy reminded me of my reaction to the terror attacks nearly 25 years ago and what my body, heart and mind had hoped for in terms of our nation’s response. Anathema to most, I privately…quietly…hoped we might not take immediate military action despite the devastating loss of life and property and reflect — deeply, honestly, uncomfortably — for more than a moment on why this had happened to us. How might history and the impacts to our personal liberty been different today if our leaders and fellow citizens chosen to let go the rope following such violence? How might there have been a global shift in consciousness in a different response to such a horrifying and murderous act?
Or did we actually to the right thing by asserting ourselves, delineating boundaries and mobilizing our power and resources to immediately pursue and attempt to vanquish the perpetrators?
When do you let go the rope & when must you grip tighter, pull harder?
Appreciate your thoughts John!!!