Strong Enough to Forgive

by Donald Bialkowski

“Our failure to know joy is a direct reflection of our inability to forgive.”

— Charlotte Joko Beck

As a therapist and coach, I see it all the time — and to be honest, I feel it in myself, too.
Forgiveness might be the hardest skill there is.

It asks us to let go when every part of us wants to hold on.
It asks for openness where there’s been hurt.
And it asks for courage when vulnerability feels like the last thing we want.

So why do the hard work of forgiveness?
Simple — because unforgiveness hurts you.

Reflection

Forgiveness is often misunderstood.
It’s not about excusing harm, forgetting what happened, or reconciling with someone who isn’t safe.
It’s about freeing yourself.

When you hold on to anger, resentment, or bitterness, you carry the weight long after the original wound.
Your nervous system keeps rehearsing the pain.
The cost isn’t just emotional — it limits your capacity for joy, connection, and presence.

Forgiveness doesn’t mean the other person deserves it.
It means you deserve the relief that comes when you stop letting old hurts run your life.

The Practice

Try this simple forgiveness practice:

1. Bring to mind a small resentment you’ve been holding (don’t start with the biggest one).

2. Ask yourself: What is this costing me? How does it keep me from joy?

3. Breathe. Imagine loosening your grip, even just a little. Notice what shifts when you soften.

Like all skills worth learning, forgiveness takes repetition and intention.
It’s rarely a one-time event. Depending on the depth of your hurt, you may find yourself forgiving again and again — and that’s okay.

Forgiveness, like grief, unfolds on its own timeline — not yours.

Final Thoughts

Forgiveness is an act of strength and maturity.
It asks you to grow beyond your reflexes, to choose healing over blame, and to keep your heart open when it would be easier to close.

It sets you free from circling old stories and creates space for joy, presence, and connection — in your relationships, your communities, and yourself.

As always, let’s keep showing up — for ourselves and each other — as men willing to do the inner work that leads to outer change.

With care,
Donald