There’s No Need to Walk Alone

I found my way into MenLiving spaces for the first time about two years ago after running my own small men’s community for a decade prior. My ML journey started with an in person meeting in Evanston led by Dan Bulf and then a few virtual full houses. Before long I was getting to know some of the MenLiving leaders and community regulars. I can hardly believe that two
years later I am sitting here as Managing Director with the privilege and honor of being part of a team that helps shape the present and the future of the organization.
I have met so many amazing men over the last two years, one of whom is Perry Studevent, MenLiving facilitator and part of our Steering Committee. I can still remember my first ever phone call with Perry. I was standing in a park near an outdoor public pool watching kids play in the summer heat while listening to Perry talking openly about his life as if we had known each other for years. I knew right then that I wanted to build a friendship with Perry. Of all the things I love about MenLiving, the thing I love the most is that it is a place to meet and build relationships with other men who can share your daily path of life, pick you up during your challenges and cheer with you when you have a victory to celebrate. That stuff happens both in our spaces and beyond. There is always someone that you can find commonality with.
One of the commonalities that Perry and I share is that we have both struggled with anxiety and depression through the years. As our friendship has grown, Perry has become someone I can reach out to and lean on in a meeting, on the phone or via Marco Polo. Connecting with Perry helps me remember that I am not alone in my darker moments. A few weeks ago, Perry shared a piece he wrote about his own journey with depression. I’m honored to share it with all of you as our featured blog this week with the hopes that any of you who are out there struggling can find your own small victory and/or jump into one of our spaces to connect and make a new friend like Perry and I have done with each other.
Jim Herbert
Managing Director

SMALL VICTORIES
by Perry Studevent
From 2017 to 2022, I endured a crippling depression that left me barely surviving. My sense of
self had deteriorated to the point where even the simplest tasks felt insurmountable. Each day became a struggle, and functioning felt impossible.
During my darkest moments, my best friend Carl provided me with a refuge—his couch. There, I existed without pressure or expectation. I didn’t move. I didn’t talk. I just cried, wrapped in a blanket, overwhelmed by anguish. Carl never asked for explanations or solutions; he simply let me be.
In 2024, my mother revealed the depths of her worry—she had considered admitting me to a mental hospital. She told me that she tracked my mental health through my social media posts, where memes and images reflected my deep loneliness, isolation, and anxiety. My depression was so severe that even music in the car became unbearable. Survival meant forcing myself to get out of bed, go to work, eat, and shower—each of these felt like monumental tasks.
Gradually, I sought help. I found a new psychiatrist and therapist, and with adjustments to my medication, the fog began to lift. A sense of confidence emerged—something I hadn’t felt in years. However, my career had stalled, and I longed for change. During those five years, social justice issues weighed heavily on me. The deaths of George Floyd and Trayvon Martin ignited my anger and reinforced my desire to contribute meaningfully to the world. I needed both a new career and a purpose. A friend suggested law school, and it
felt right—a way to merge my ambitions with service. I applied, was accepted, and enrolled in a hybrid program that allowed me to keep my job while studying.
But law school quickly became a disaster. Balancing full-time work with eight to ten hours of studying left me exhausted, frustrated, and deeply unhappy. It wasn’t just overwhelming—it was financially unsustainable. The debt from just one year was staggering. By the end of my first year, I knew I couldn’t continue.
When I told my therapist I was devastated by my failure, I realized that law school had become my attempt to fix several problems—career stagnation, social isolation, boredom, and loneliness. I believed earning a law degree would revive my career, that sitting in classrooms with peers would combat my isolation, and that immersing myself in studies would ease my boredom. But working with my therapist helped me see the true underlying issues: a lack of
direction, a lack of connections, and a lack of purpose.
Ultimately, I learned that success isn’t defined by giant leaps—it’s found in small victories. Did I go to the gym today? Small victory. Did I have a meaningful conversation? Small victory. Did I read a book, watch a great movie, eat well, or help someone else? These are the moments that truly matter.
I call these small victories “The Well.” The Well is the reservoir where our confidence resides. It ebbs and flows, growing with each achievement, no matter how minor. Over time, these small victories accumulate, creating a foundation strong enough to support even the largest, seemingly insurmountable goals.

I hope your day is filled with small victories. Don’t overlook them—because they are the ones that truly shape your life.