Way Back When…

by Mike Rosen

For those that don’t know, I’m a lucky Dad of three young men. Jack is a junior in college and his twin younger brothers, Keil (pronounced Kyle. It’s his grandmother’s maiden name) and Sam, are just beginning their respective (and separate) college careers. When we took Jack to college, his drop-off experience mirrored closely the experience in dropping him off at preschool, kindergarten, and beyond. No hesitancy, no tears, not a whiff of fear or uncertainty. “Bye Mom, bye Dad!” is a quote both from preschool and college. I make up a story he also wanted to say ‘Don’t let the door hit you in the a*% on the way out!” but he’s always been way too polite to utter that thought out loud.

This past Thursday we dropped Keil off at college. He’s attending Bowling Green State University in Bowling Green, Ohio to become a commercial pilot. Objectively, I’ve understood that he was leaving, I’m solid on calendars. Emotionally, I wasn’t prepared and with about ten days out I was fully immersed in ‘Anything and Everything Makes Me Cry’ mode. This song in particular gets me. Every. time. I had been there before when Jack was leaving, the feelings were very familiar. Keil’s dropoff experiences when he was a toddler were the opposite of Jack’s. We had to intentionally deceive and distract him to allow us a brief opportunity to bolt out of the room, hoping he didn’t notice our absence and cling to us tightly. The morning of Keil’s first day of Kindergarten he said “You know Dad, I’m more of a home school kind of kid.” Oh really? 🙂

At breakfast I could sense his nervousness. He had little appetite and was more reserved than he typically presents. We did all the things one normally does, moved him in, made the requisite stop at Wal-Mart for the stuff we forgot, and lunch together before the inevitable drop-off. That moment approached, he hugged his Mom through tears, hugged me through tears. I didn’t want to let him go. We did another round of hugging Mom, hugging me, and then there was that moment–a crystal clear moment that signaled the change, the closing of one chapter and the opening of another. It felt like the pause was a full minute, in reality it was likely closer to 10 seconds–the long pause when it felt like Keil wasn’t ready to pivot and walk away, the moment when I knew I had to let him go for him to move on. Keil turned and headed into his dorm, steps closer to thriving on his own, steps towards this new chapter of independence/less dependence on Mom and Dad.

Two days ago was Keil’s first day of classes. He texted his mother and me this pic:

It’s not lost on me the gratitude I have for that experience. Were/are the emotions deep? Yes, but they’re not ‘bad’. Was it hard? It was AND I’d offer the depth of those feelings can only come close to mirror the depth of the love and awe I feel towards all my boys. I know parents who have lost children or whose circumstances prevent them from experiencing what I got (and still get) to experience. I know young men who have lost their Dad or their Mom and won’t get to experience what Keil and Jack have and what Sam will tomorrow.

MenLiving has helped me live more emotionally. Men Living has helped me practice taking judgement out of feelings, removing the labels of ‘good’ and ‘bad’ to ‘is’.. My experiences with these reframed views have been more fulfilling and authentic and have helped reshape and break patterns around masculinity, emotions, vulnerability, and transparency that I judge to have been unhealthy. Have you considered some of the MenLiving suggestions? I offer they’re a fantastic blueprint and I invite you to revisit them if you haven’t in a while. Do any of them resonate more deeply with you than others? Which one(s) and why? I’m curious how you feel about them. Share in the Comments!