Kimberley Healey specializes in helping smart, thoughtful people create a deeply satisfying love life. Her work is intuitive, pragmatic and joyous. Each month, Kimberley hosts a Full House exploring dating and relationships. I often refer to MenLiving Connect as our “platonic dating service” for men (which makes some guys feel awkward 🙄) and this repost from Kimberley’s blog speaks to my meaning about “dating.” Enjoy!
New adult friendships are possible and so sweet!
I recently moved to a new place where I have old friends and where I am hoping to make new friends.
I have outgrown the era where I made friends with other people who were parents just because we had to stand on the same soccer sidelines for hours every weekend.
So, how do we do this thing?
Is there anyone out there?
We all really need friends during these uncertain times. Your life circumstances may have changed too because of a move, a divorce, a new lifestyle and you might like to make some new friends.
A lot of the dating skills I teach are excellent to practice when you want to make friends.
Here are some ideas!
- Ask someone out!
Have you met a new colleague who seems interesting? Has it been too long since you saw an old neighbor? Have you been wanting to go out for ice cream on a summer evening? Think of something you can do together, a wicked Scrabble game, outdoor live music and call or text them. Try taking the risk to invite them to a very specific activity that you both might like.
- Practice being rejected
Friends will let you down. They might bail at the last minute. Things happen. Practice staying calm, content, and agile when plans change. There is a way to welcome rejection as your own resiliency practice. Can you continue breathing and smiling even if you end up spending the evening alone?
- Say yes more often
Say yes to invitations even if the activity is unknown or unfamiliar. Try being open to any opportunity to spend time with a friend especially if it is something you don’t usually do. Be willing to meet friends where their passions or comfort zone are as long as you feel safe. Try pickleball or pickle-making or pepper picking or a new game.
- Practice your friendly no
Sometimes spending time with someone might not be the best idea. When you are hungry and tired you might not be a very good listener, for example. Practice saying no kindly and clearly without long explanations or excuses. Clarity is a kindness.
- Practice commitment
You might have friends with busy lives who want to know if you can go camping on the third weekend in October. You might have other friends who need a regular time or day of the week to meet so they can plan their lives. Practice saying yes, every Wednesday, or Friday evening in three weeks, or every other Sunday morning. Eventually real friendship will lead to commitment so try these commitment boots on for size and walk in them a bit! It’s so interesting to see what comes up.